Akatsuki Randomness!
by nomorenamesleft
Summary: Random stories about the Akatsuki! Guaranteed to make you laugh your socks, unless you aren't wearing socks, then it will make you laugh your pants off, unless you are not wearing pants, then it will make you laugh till your head explodes! :D
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1: The chapter involving Hiruko & Tobi's cookie & Deidara's Hand**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, the Akatsuki, or anything else Naruto-related

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-The Akatsuki Hideout-

The members of the Akatsuki are in the cave(?) when Sasori walks in.

Sasori: Has anyone seen Hiruko? I can't find it anywhere.

Pein: No.

Tobi: Nope.

Deidara: Um…

Sasori: Do you know where it is Deidara?

Deidara: Well…I made a clay copy of it and put it next to Hiruko but I accidentally blew up the clay one and Hiruko got blown up as well,un.

Sasori: You mean… YOU BLEW UP HIRUKO!

Deidara: Ahhh![Runs away]

Sasori: Come back here you fucking bastard![Chases after Deidara]

Pein: …

Itachi: At least I don't feel bored anymore.

Hidan: You were bored?

Itachi: Yes.

Hidan: I can never read your face.

Kakuzu: Me too. It always looks the same.

Kisame: Same here.

Tobi: Can I have a snack?

Konan: [Gives Tobi a lollipop]

Tobi: Yay! Lollipop!

Deidara returns with countless injuries.

Zetsu: Are you alright?

Deidara: …Yes…

Orochimaru: Where's Sasori?

Deidara: ...Over there…

In the back, Sasori is fixing Hiruko.

Sasori: Must…Fix…Hiruko…Fucking Deidara…Blew up Hiruko…doesn't understand a thing about art… muttered cursing

Everyone: [Sweatdrops]

Tobi: Can I have a cookie?

Itachi: [Gives Tobi a cookie the size of a table]

Tobi: Yay!

Hidan: WTF! DEIDARA! Your fucking hand is drooling on my foot!

Deidara: Sorry,un.

Hidan: Not enough! [Cuts off Deidara's hand]

Deidara: Ahhhh! My hand! What did you do that for!

Hidan: Your hand drooled on my perfect foot!

Kakuzu: Let me help you with that. [Sews Deidara's hand back on]

Deidara: Damn you! [Throws clay at Hidan]

Hidan: Hah! You missed!

The clay hit Tobi's cookie, the cookie exploded, and Tobi flew backwards.

Tobi: Nooooo! My cookie! [Hits the ground]

Pein: Tobi, your mask came off.

Tobi: [Silence]

Pein: Tobi?

Tobi: [Back facing everyone] I am not Tobi…I am UCHIHA MADARA! I will obliterate all who stand in my way! I will achieve World Domination! Muahahaha!

Pein: Oh shit. [Jams mask back onto Tobi's face]

Tobi: [Silence]

Pein: [Silence]

Everyone: [Silence]

A few minutes later.

Tobi: Where's my cookie?

Everyone: [Sweatdrops]

* * *

Tobi: Yay! Comment! [Eats cookie fragments]


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2: The Three Ex-Idiots of the Mist (Ex-Idiots because they defected from Kirigakure)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, the Akatsuki, or anything else Naruto-related.

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-The Akatsuki Hideout-

Itachi: Hey, someone's coming this way.

Tobi: Is it the cookie monster?

Kisame: No…it's…Zabuza!

Zabuza arrives.

Zabuza: Hi Kisame.

Kisame: OMG! I thought you were dead!

Zabuza: I was brought back to life by Orochimaru's jutsu which I can't remember the name of.

Orochimaru: Ah yes, the Kuchiyose: Edo Tensei.

Haku: Zabuza, can we go to the amusement park now? Pleeeeease?

Zabuza: Noy yet Haku. I have to find that idiot Suigetsu and get my sword back.

Haku: Awww. Fine. I'll go with Naruto-kun.

Zabuza: No! Don't! I promise I'll go with you later today.

Haku: Yay!

Tobi: Can I go too?

Zabuza: I guess so.

Tobi: Yay!

Zabuza: So where's that thieving puddle of water? Do you know, shark?

Kisame: No, I don't demon.

Suddenly, Suigetsu appears from a puddle of water which no one has noticed before.

Suigetsu: Hoshigaki Kisame! I am here to challeng you for Samehada! Again!

Zabuza: You fucking idiot Suigetsu. Give me back the Kubikiri Hocho!

Suigetsu: Zabuza! You're…alive!

Haku: What about me? I'm alive too!

Suigetsu: Oh. You're that runt that followed Zabuza everywhere.

Pein: Kisame! Kick them out of here! This cave is for Akatsuki members only!

Kisame: Gladly.

Following that, Kisame picks up Haku, Zabuza and Suigetsu one by one and throws them out of the cave.

-Outside the Akatsuki Hideout-

Zabuza: Give. It. Back. Now!

Suigetsu: Sigh Yes Zabuza. [Hands Zabuza the Kubikiri Hocho]

Zabuza: Kubikiri Hocho! I missed you! [Hugs and kisses the Kubikiri Hocho]

Haku, Kisame: That is so wrong.

Suigetsu: Now how to I fight Kisame for the Samehada?

Zabuza: Here. Use this!

Suigetsu: That's a stick!

Zabuza: N-no. It's a sword disguised as a stick.

Suigetsu: Still, its not water-type.

Zabuza: Ok. [Pours water onto the stick]

Suigetsu: Now it's a wet stick! There's almost no difference!

Haku: How about this? [Makes a giant sword out of ice]

Suigetsu: Perfect!

Suigetsu takes the sword, but once the sword leaves Haku's hands, it melts.

Suigetsu:WTF?

Haku: Sorry. I forgot. You don't have the ice-style kekkei genkai.

Suigetsu: Fuck.

Kisame: Just START already! [Swings Samehada at Suigetsu]

Suigetsu: I'll take my chances with the wet stick! [Swings wet stick at Samehada]

Suddenly, the wet stick cut Samehada in half.

Kisame; No! Sammy!

As Kisame frantically repairs Samehada with tape and chewing gum, the wet stick transforms into a giant, blue chakra emitting blade.

Suigetsu: Die. [Swings blade at Kisame]

Suddenly, the blade explodes, making it rain. Kisame has fixed Samahada.

Suigetsu: Shit.

Kisame: Go to hell Suigetsu! Suiton: Bakusui Shoha!

Suigetsu: Fuck you Zabuza.

The jutsu immediately obliterates and washes away Suigetsu.

Suigetsu: I'll be back with a stronger stick!

Zabuza: Hahahaha!

Haku: So…can we go to the amusement park noooow?

Zabuza: Yes, Haku. Let's go.

Haku: Yay!

Tobi: Wait for me!

-Inside the Akatsuki Hideout-

Everyone is watching from inside the cave.

Itachi: WTF?

Deidara: Un.

Sasori: XD XD

Zetsu: All recorded.

Hidan: What happened? I was in my room styling my hair and clipping my nails and

Kakuzu: STFU idiot.

Orochimaru: Better luck next time Suigetsu.

Pein: LOL

Konan: Men.

Kousuke: LMAO.

Everyone: [Stares at Kousuke]

Kousuke: What? I can't be in my own fanfic?

Everyone: [Sweatdrops]

Kisame returns

Kisame: That was fun. Who want's to go to SeaWorld tomorrow? There will be a 50% discount on the tickets tomorrow.

Everyone: [Stares at Kisame]

Kisame: What? Oh.

Samehada is broken.

Kisame; Damn. Guess I have to fix it properly before we go to SeaWorld.

Pein: Um…Kisame? Tomorrow's the AGM.

Kisame: WHAT?

* * *

Kisame: Comment or feel the wrath of my newly fixed Samehada!


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3: Akatsuki AGM.[Sweatdrop]**

**Disclaimer: I don't own the Akatsuki, blah blah blah.

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**-**The Akatsuki Hideout-

Pein: OK. Today is the AGM of the Akatsuki.

Tobi: Hooray!

Orochimaru: Where's Deidara?

Zetsu: Good point. I haven't seen him since the end of Chapter 2.

Deidara enters, draggina a screaming, flailing Gaara wrapped in clay.

Gaara: Let go of me mouth hands! I am the Fifth Kazekage!

Deidara: I got him! Now we can start the AGM, un.

Pein: [Sweatdrops] Um…Deidara? Why do we need Gaara for the AGM?

Gaara: LET GO OF ME!

Deidara: Doesn't AGM stand for Ate Gaara's Meat?

Sasori: No you noob. AGM stands for Annual General Meeting.

Konan: And 'ate' is past tense. 'Eat' is present tense.

Hidan: Since when are you a cannibal Deidara?

Gaara: OMG! You Akatsuki are CANNIBALS! Let me out of here!

Deidara: So what do I do with him? Un.

Pein: Um…

Deidara: Can I blow him up? Un.

Sasori; No! I want to make a puppet out of him!

Deidara: But explosions are fun…un.

Sasori: No, things that last forever are fun.

Deidara: No, explosions! Un.

Sasori: Forever!

Deidara: Explosions!

Sasori: Forever!

Gaara: LET ME GO! Fucking Akatsuki…

Pein: Deidara…just…send him back to Suna.

Deidara: Fine. [Grows wings from the clay wrapped around Gaara and makes him fly back to Suna]

Pein: Now, let's begin. This year, we have to capture Killer Bee ans seal the Eight-tailed Giant Ox and

Tobi: Where are the peanuts?

Pein: OH NO! I completely forgot about them!

Konan: I'll go get them! [Runs off to buy peanuts]

Tobi: Buy the salted ones!

A few minutes later, Konan returns with a few dozen bags of salted peanuts.

Pein: Hooray! We're saved!

Everyone: Yay!

Pein: Now, let's continue.

10 minutes later, Pein's speech ends.

Pein: [Looks around]

Tobi is stuffing himself with peanuts. Empty peanut bags litter the ground. Konan is listening to him. Everyone else are throwing peanut shells at each other.

Pein: [Sweatdrops]AhemOk, now its time for Orochimaru's speech.

Everyone: Groan

Pein: What's wrong?

Hidan: Orochimaru's fucking speeches are so damn long.

Orochimaru: What did you say? I guarantee that it will only take 30 minutes.

Hidan: [Presses buttons on watch]

Orochimaru: Are you timing me?

Hidan: No, I'm setting a wake-up alarm.

Orochimaru: [Rolls eyes] Ok, let's get started. Good morning to my fellow Akatsuki members. Today, I would like to…

A few decades later, Itachi and Kisame are sitting in a corner, playing cards. Cobwebs hang from them. Sasori is making his 3784th puppet. Deidara has blown up his 1076th model of is snoring loudly on the floor. Kakuzu has meditated for 576 hours as part of his anger management program. Zetsu is sitting silently on the floor. I think he has fossilized. Tobi sits in another corner playing video games. His white beard trails on the floor. Konan has folded her 2341st paper crane. Pein is actually listening intently to Orochimaru's speech. Kousuke's hand is incredibly tired from typing all this.

Orochimaru: Therefore, blah blah blah blah blah blah. Then, we can blah blah blah blah blah. After that, let's blah blah blah and blah blah, blah, blah blah blah and blah blah blah blah blah. Finally, we will blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. The end. [Looks around]

Itachi: Do you have any threes, Kisame?

Kisame; Go shark.

Sasori: [Makes puppet]

Deidara: [Blows up clay model of Orochimaru]

Hidan: Snore

Kakuzu: [Silence]

Zetsu: [Silence]

Tobi: DIE DIE DIE DIE!

Konan: [Folds paper crane]

Pein: [Stares at Orochimaru]

Orochimaru: =.=lll I said the end!

Itachi: About time. [Puts cards away]

Zetsu: [Defossilizes]

Kakuzu: Wake up, idiot. [Kicks Hidan]

Hidan: [Wakes up] What happened to my money? Did they fly away?

Tobi: [Saves game]

Pein: ok, now it's time to select the new committee.

Everyone: Yay!

Pein: The president is…Pein!

Pein: Yay! It's me!

Pein: The vice-president is…Tobi!

Tobi: Hooray!

Pein: the secretary is…Sasori!

Sasori: Great!

Pein: The assistant secretary is…Deidara!

Deidara: Yay me! Un!

Pein: The treasurer is…Kakuzu!

Kakuzu: Of course it's me!

Pein: The assistant treasurer is…Hidan!

Hidan: I'll make sure he doesn't steal any of the money.

Pein: The discipline master is…Itachi!

Itachi: Muahahahaha!

Pein: The room master is… Kisame!

Kisame: O.O

Pein: The board master will be… Konan!

Konan: Arigatou, Pein.

Pein: The, um… 查帐员 will be Zetsu!

Zetsu: What's a查帐员?

Pein: The查帐员 is the person that checks on the Akatsuki fundings once a month to make sure the treasurer doesn't take any money for himself.

Zetsu: Oh.

Pein: Lastly, the research master is…Orochimaru!

Orochimaru: Yesssss!

Pein: That puts an end to this year's AGM.

Everyone: Yay!

Pein: Any questions?

Kisame: [Raises hand]

Pein: Yes? What is it?

Kisame: Um…can we go to SeaWorld noooow?

Everyone: [Stares at Kisame, then Pein]

Pein: Oh,what the heck. Let's go!

Everyone: Yay!

* * *

Pein: Oh god, it's finally over. Please comment.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4: Akatsuki at SeaWorld! (This is going to be trouble…)**

Disclaimer; I don't own the Akatsuki, SeaWorld, or fish & chips.

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-The Akatsuki Hideout-

A perfectly normal day, and- hey? Where is everyone?

Kousuke: Oh yeah, they went to SeaWorld.

Deidara: [Yells from outside] Come on Kousuke! If you don't hurry up we'll go without you! Un!

Kousuke: Ok, I'm coming. I'll drive! [Runs outside]

-In the Akatsuki bus-

Kakuzu: Um…Kousuke? Are you SURE you can drive?

Kousuke: Er…of course I can!

Kakuzu: Do you have a license?

Kousuke: …No.

Kakuzu: Oh boy. This will be fun.

Kousuke: {Yells} Ok, it's time to leave!

Everyone: [Boards the bus]

Kousuke: Let's go! [Drives off at 150km/h]

5 minutes later…

Pein: Err…Kousuke? Are you 100% SURE that to know how to drive?

Kousuke: STFU! OF COURSE I CAN DRIVE! Why do you keep asking me that?

Pein: Because you just drove us off a cliff.

Kousuke: Oh.

Everyone: AAAAAAAH!

And with that, the Akatsuki crashes to their doom. The-

Kakuzu: STFU fucker! The cliff was only 3 metres high! We're not dead yet you asshole author!

Tobi: You're rude Kakuzu.

Ok, fine. The cliff was only 3 metres high. Everyone survived the crash.

Kousuke: Looks like we're walking.

Kakuzu: [Punches Kousuke]

Kousuke: OW! T.T

30 minutes later…

-SeaWorld-

Kisame: We're here!

Everyone: Hooray!

Kisame: Let's go buy our tickets! [Dashes to ticket counters]

All of the ticket counters are full, but when the customers see Kisame running towards them, they run away.

People: Ah! Run away!

Kisame: Why are they running away?

Itachi: Because you look like a monster.

Kisame: But I do look like a monster!

Itachi: [Sweatdrops] {Sigh} [Turns to ticket seller] 12 adult tickets please.

Ticket seller: That will be 12000Ryo please.

Itachi: [Hands money to money seller] _God that's expensive…_

Kisame: Let's go!

-Inside SeaWorld-

Deidara: Oh…!

Sasori: Ah…!

Kisame: What's wrong with you two?

Deidara, Sasori: We have not seen this much water in one place.

Sasori: I'm from Sunagakure.

Deidara: I'm from Iwagakure, un.

Pein: Yeah, there isn't much water in those places.

Kisame: Hi mom.

Everyone: [Stares at Kisame]

Itachi: Di-Did you just say 'Hi mom'?

Kisame: Yes. She's over there. [Points to a huge shark in an aquarium]

Shark: {Burble burble} [Attempts to wave at Kisame]

Everyone: [Sweatdrops]

Kousuke: I'm hungry. Let's go for lunch.

Everyone: Yay!

-In SeaWorld restaurant-

The Akatsuki are lining up to order.

Cashier: What do you want?

Itachi: Fish & chips.

Kisame: I'll have fish & chips without chips and extra fish.

Deidara: I'll have fish & chips made with clayfish, un.

Kisame: It's crayfish.

Deidara: Oh.

Sasori: I'll have fish & chips made with stingray.

Hidan: I'll have a raw, blood covered fish with Jashin-sama chips.

Kakuzu: Fish hearts & chips please.

Tobi: Fish & chips without the fish and extra chips!

Zetsu: Fish and chips with coleslaw.

Konan: I'll have a fish & chips with fish origami garnish.

Pein: I'll have a fish & chips with extra tartar sauce.

Orochimaru: I'll have a fish & chips garnished with fish eggs.

Kousuke: I'll have…um…fish & chips.

Cashier: Ok. two fish & chips, one fish & chips with extra fish and no chips, one fish & chips made with crayfish, one fish & chips made with stingray, one fish & chips with raw, blood covered fish and Jashin-sama chips, one fish & chips made with fish hearts, one fish & chips without fish and extra chips, one fish & chips with coleslaw, one fish & chips with fish origami garnish, one fish & chips with extra tartar sauce, and one fish & chips garnished with fish eggs.

Everyone: Yes.

Cashier: That will be 84000 Ryo.

Itachi: [Hands over money] _God, that's expensive._

Cashier:_ Of course it's expensive. You added so many add-ons._

Itachi: {Gasp} _You can read minds?_

Cashier: _Yes._

Itachi: [Sweatdrops] OMG…

Kisame: What is it?

Itachi: Nothing.

Everyone sits down at a table. The food arrives in 15 minutes.

Everyone: Itadakimasu!

Pein: Wow, that was fast. All the money used up to now was from the Akatsuki fundings, right?

Kakuzu: {Sigh} Yes...

25 minutes later, everyone has finished eating when-

Itachi: Hey, where's Kisame?

People: [From outside the restaurant] Ahhh! There's a monster in the aquarium!

Everyone: [Silence]

Itachi: Oh fuck.

Everyone: [Dashes out of the aquarium]

Kisame is swimming in the aquarium.

Everyone: WTF?

Kisame: {Blurble blurble} (Hi guys!)

Pein: What the fuck are you doing?

Kisame: {Blub} (Swimming)

Pein: [Eye twitches]

5 scuba divers armed with harpoons swim towards Kisame.

Scuba diver A: {Whoosh} Shurrender or we will harpoon you!

Kisame: {Bla! Bluibon: Bloblobublabe!} (Ha! Suiton: Goshokuzame!)

Scuba divers: Ahhhh! [Gets blown up by Kisame's jutsu]

Pein: Kisame! Get the fuck out of the there!

Kisame: {Bluh} (Sigh) {Ble Bein} (Yes Pein) [Gets out of water]

Later…

Pein: Ok, let's go home.

Kisame: Wait! Souvenirs! [Dashes into souvenir shop]

Itachi: {Sigh} I'll make sure he doesn't get anything irrelevant. [Follows Kisame into shop]

-Inside the SeaWorld souvenir shop-

Kisame: ! [Giggles like a little girl]

Itachi: [Sweatdrops] Um…Kisame? Do you have any money?

Kisame: No. Why?

Itachi: You know you can't use the Akatsuki fundings to pay for these.

Kisame: Oh.

Itachi: So put those things back and-

Kisame: Itachi-kun~~

Itachi: [Shocked] W-What?

Kisame: Can you please pay for me?

Itachi: No.

Kisame: Pretty please?

Itachi: No.

Kisame: Pretty please with rainbow sprinkles on top? [Sparkly eyes]

Itachi: NO!

Kisame: Uwaaah! [Starts crying like a little girl]

Itachi: AH! Don't cry! I-I'll pay! Ok?

Kisame: Arigatou, Itachi-kun~

Itachi: [Pays at cashier] _Fuck…_

Cashier: That will be 100000 Ryo.

Itachi: [Hands money to cashier] _You will pay for this…Kisame…_

-SeaWorld Exit-

Kousuke: [Closes eyes] God, that is so gross!

Pein: Obscene.

Konan: So wrong.

Kousuke: I didn't even think Kisame was capable of doing that.

Deidara: [All three mouths puke on the ground]

Kisame: [Arms laden with merchandise] Ok, let's go home! XD

Itachi: =_=|||

Pein: Ok, let's start walking.

Suddenly, a car horn sounds. Everyone turns around to see Kousuke arriving in a new Akatsuki bus.

Kousuke: I'll drive!

Everyone: NO!

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Itachi: Fuck you Kisame…I WILL GET MY REVENGE! Oh yeah, please comment.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5: Itachi's Revenge and something about a word game.**

Oh god, I can't believe how long it took me to find the motivation to dig out my old manuscript and transcribe it into a word document into a fanfiction on for your reading pleasure. Keep in mind, this was written years ago so it might seem a little…off. Here we go!

Disclaimer: I don't own the Akatsuki, shark's fin soup, word games and Naruto.

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Part 1: Itachi's Revenge!

-The Akatsuki Hideout, Itachi's Room-

Itachi; Yes! I have figured out the perfect revenge plan! Kisame! YOU ARE GOING DOWN! HAHAHAHAHA! [Laughs evilly]

-The Akatsuki Hideout-

Pein: So, who will cook dinner tonight?

Itachi: I will.

Everyone: [Stares at Itachi]

Deidara: Itachi…you can cook?! Un.

Itachi: Yes.

Everyone: [Stunned]

Itachi: I'll go buy the ingredients… [Leaves the cave]

Pein: Oh god…I hope he doesn't poison us…

-The Fish Market-

Fishmonger: Hello sir. Would you like anything in particular?

Itachi: hmm…I want 12 premium grade high quality shark steaks.

Fishmonger: We have that. Anything else?

Itachi: Yes. I would like some good quality shark fins.

Fishmonger: Alright. Here you go. That will be 130000 Ryo.

Itachi: Here you go. [Hands over money] _This will be worth it…_

Fishmonger: Are you planning a seafood dinner?

Itachi: As a matter of fact, yes.

-The Akatsuki Hideout-

Itachi has returned.

Itachi: Tadaima.

Sasori: What is that smell?

Tobi: Smells like fish!

Kisame: Itachi, are you making a seafood dinner?

Itachi: Yes.

Kisame: Hooray!

-Akatsuki kitchen-

Itachi is cooking when Konan anxiously enters.

Konan: Itachi? Are you sure you don't need any help?

Itachi: Yes.

Konan: Oh. Ok. [Continues walking]

10 minutes later…

Zetsu: [Walks past kitchen] Wow, that smells…exquisite.

Itachi: Thanks.

Zetsu: So…what are you cooking?

Itachi: It's a secret.

Zetsu: Oh. Ok. [Continues walking]

-The Akatsuki Hideout-

Pein has called for an emergency meeting in the lobby. Everyone is present except Itachi who is still cooking.

Pein: Now, what do we do?

Deidara: Run away, un.

Sasori; kidnap him.

Zetsu: Eat him.

Tobi: Mangekyo Sharingan!

Hidan: Eat whatever he cooks and don't die.

Kakuzu: Sell the food.

Orochimaru: Make a snake eat his cooking.

Konan: Knock him out with a big stick, toss out the food and when he wakes up, tell him we've finished while he took a nap.

Kousuke: Trash it when he's not looking.

Kisame: I have complete faith in Itachi's cooking. _Please may the food NOT kill us._

Pein: [Sweatdrops] Ok, but I think we need a better plan. Let's-

Itachi: [Yells] Dinner's ready! Kisame, come help set the table.

Pein: Oh crap. Let's just cross our fingers and eat whatever he cooks.

-The Akatsuki dining room-

Kisame: [Sets the dining table] _Bwbhwfeuopdfedgscdsjkbhfiweafuvodfifwnblxdsegsmxfafv!_

Itachi: Ok, I'm bringing the food out.

Everyone: [Sits down]

Itachi: [Brings out a pot and starts serving soup]

Everyone: [Silence]

Itachi: [Brings out 12 steaks]

Everyone: !

Kisame: Those look nice.

Itachi: Itadakimasu. [Looks around]

Everyone: I-Itadakimasu! [Looks around]

Deidara: Hey, this soup tastes…great! Un.

Sasori: It's delicious!

Tobi: It tastes like fish!

Zetsu: The steak is incredible as well.

Konan: Itachi! I didn't know you're such a good cook!

Kousuke: A new challenger has appeared! To my cooking skills!

Pein: [Too shocked to say anything]

Kisame: You are the best cook ever Itachi!

Itachi: Thanks Kisame. _If only he knew…_

Dinner ended without any eventful event.

Kisame: That was great Itachi. What was that?

Konan: Yeah, tell us.

Tobi: Blee! Tell us!

Itachi: Ok, ok, it was…

Everyone: [Listening with suspense]

Itachi: …SHARK'S FIN SOUP AND GRILLED SHARK STEAKS.

Zetsu: Ooh.

Hidan: Aah.

Kousuke: Um, guys? [Points at Kisame]

Kisame: [Trembles with shock, anguish and a few other negative emotions]

Pein: Kisame?! Are you alright?

Kisame: [Faints onto the ground]

Itachi: Ha! HaHa! HaHaHaHaHa!

Kisame: [Revives] Itachi! How could you!?

Itachi: This is payback for that time you made me pay for all those souvenirs!

Kisame: You…you FIEND!

Itachi: Look who's calling me a fiend, you MONSTER!

Kisame: Weasel!

Itachi: Guppy!

Kisame: Redeye!

Itachi: Blueskin!

Kisame: Asshole!

Itachi: Maniac!

Kisame: Shitface!

Itachi: Dumbass!

Kisame: Madman!

Itachi: Bastard!

Kisame Onionhead!

Itachi: Garlicface!

Kisame: Blarg!

Itachi: Doig!

Kisame, Itachi: [Petty fight]

Pein: ENOUGH!

Everyone: [Stunned]

Pein: Save the name calling for Part 2!

Part 2: Let's Play a Word Game!

Pein; Ok. So, um…let's play a word game!

Tobi: Yay!

Kisame: Wat.

Deidara: ? Un.

Konan: Ok then.

Pein: I'll start. Ready?

Everyone: Yes!

Pein: Pea.

Konan: Ace.

Itachi: Ewe.

Kisame: Eel!

Sasori: Limb!

Deidara: Bomb! Un.

Hidan: Bimbo!

Kakuzu: Osteoporosis!

Tobi: Shit! :D

Zetsu: Terahexagonal.

Orochimaru: Lymph!

Pein: Helium!

Konan: Magnesium.

Itachi: Melt.

Kisame: Teeth!

Sasori: Hexagonal.

Deidara: Longitude! Un.

Hidan: Extraordinary!

Kakuzu: Yodel!

Tobi: Lady!

Zetsu: Yectofanatisizing.

Orochimaru: What?! Is that even a word? Judge!

Kousuke: Alright. I shall consult 'The 100% Most Concise and Accurate Dictionary Which Contains Every Single Word Ever Invented By Mankind, Animals, Plants, Aliens, Non-Living Things And Other Words Dictionary: Pocket Edition'.

Everyone: …

Kousuke: [Summons massive dictionary out of scroll which slams onto the ground, knocking over half the Akatsuki members]

Everyone: [Gasp]

Kousuke: Let's see…geh- [Lifts cover] Y…Y…here it is, yectofanatisizing.

Orochimaru: Fine. Gottsmeerhaden!

Pein: Oh, a German word. Naranjito.

Konan: Ornomathopeia!

Itachi: Amaterasu.

Kisame: Urchin!

Deidara: Netherlands!

Sasori: Supercannyfradgelisticedgespieardiotious!

Hidan: God not that. Sand!

Kakuzu: Danu!

Tobi: Ussal!  
Zetsu: Lamprey.

Orochimaru: Yawn!

Pein: Necrophiliac!

Konan: Crossguard!

Itachi: Damn.

Kisame: Um…new!

Deidara: What? Un.

Sasori: Toing!

Hidan: What?

Sasori: The sound 'Toing'

Hidan: Kousuke?

Kousuke: [Shrugs] From this point on its anything goes.

Hidan: God!

Kakuzu: Derhammensen!

Tobi: Never!

Zetsu: Rotterdam.

Orochimaru: Moor.

Pein: Rare.

Konan: Egocentricity!

Itachi: Yale!

Kisame: Eye!

Deidara: Explosive!

Sasori: Extreme!

Hidan: Esse!

Kakuzu: Embattle!

Tobi: E! :D

Zetsu: Eyrie!

Orochimaru: Europe!

Pein: Eagle!

Konan: Entitle!

Itachi; Endive!

Kisame: Ewe!

Deidara: Elevate!

Sasori: Endorse!

Hidan: Eve!

Kakuzu: Excite!

Tobi: Ethene!

Zetsu: Execute!

Orochimaru: Emerge!

Kousuke: THAT'S ENOUGH I NEED TO START THE NEXT CHAPTER!

Everyone: But-

Kousuke: Go to bed. NOW.

Everyone: Yes…

* * *

Deidara: Kousuke?

Kousuke: Yes?

Deidara: Why didn't you just Google the words?

Kousuke: …

Deidara: Thanks for reading! Un.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6: I have no idea what to write in this chapter so I'll just fill it with totally random things**

Aaaand Chapter 6! I must have been really bored when I wrote this. PREPARE YOUR ANUS.

Disclaimer: Blah Blah Blee Blu Blea

* * *

Itachi: …

Kisame: O.O

Deidara: What now? Un.

Sasori: Let's do something random!

Hidan: Like?

Kakuzu: …hey, where are we?

Zetsu: The map says we're in the middle of nowhere.

Tobi: Blee! :D

-The Middle of Nowhere-

The Akatsuki minus Pein, Konan, Orochimaru and Kousuke are stuck in the middle of nowhere.

Hidan: What the fuck are we doing out here!?

Sasori: Hey look! A cliff! Let's jump off it!

Tobi: Yay! :D

Kakuzu: Won't you like…I dunno, DIE if you jumped off a cliff?

Itachi: No, we're in a fanfic! This isn't real life.

Deidara: So what are we waiting for! Let's jump off it! Un. [Jumps of cliff]

Kakuzu: Wait! Idiots…

Deidara jumps off the cliff, followed by Tobi, Itachi, Hidan, Zetsu, Kisame, Sasori and Kakuzu.

Some time later…

Itachi: …

Kisame: O.O

Deidara: How long have we been falling? Un.

Sasori: I don't know. My watch is broken.

Hidan: Let's guess.

Kakuzu: 3 hours.

Zetsu: Maybe 4.

Tobi: Blee! :D

Itachi: Hey, look down!

Everyone: [Looks down]

They are floating in a large air vent/fan-thing which was disguised as a crater.

Itachi: …

Kisame: O.O

Deidara: Well. We're not dead! Un.

Sasori: What is this thing doing here?

Hidan: It's here because of JASHIN!

Kakuzu: No, someone paid for it with MONEY!

Zetsu: I smell something funny.

Tobi: Blee! :D

Suddenly, the fan turns off, and they all fall into a pit of shit.

Zetsu: Fertilizer?

Kisame: Shit.

Itachi: [Slaps Kisame]

Kisame: OW… -.-|||

Deidara: Let's get out of here, un. [Climbs out of pit]

Everyone: {Grumbles} [Does the same]

Meanwhile…

-The Akatsuki Hideout-

Pein, Konan, Orochimaru and Kousuke are watching TV in the living room.

Pein: Hey, I love this show! Let's watch it!

Kousuke: Nah! Let's watch 'The Video Adaptation of The Illustrated Guide on How To Blow Things Up'!

Pein: No, Car or Bar!

Kousuke: TVAoTIGoHTBTU!

Pein: Car or Bar!

Kousuke: TVAoTIGoHTBTU!

Orochimaru: The Snake Channel!

Pein: Car or Bar!

Kousuke: TVAoTIGoHTBTU!

Orochimaru: The Snake Channel!

Suddenly, the rain rains, cutting off the TV's reception.

Pein: T.T

Kousuke: D:

Orochimaru: x_x

Konan: Cheer up guys! I'll go make some origami tea.

Pein: What?

Konan: Tea served in origami cups.

Pein: Ooh. Arigatou.

Outside, the rainy rain rains. However, where Itachi and friends are, it's not raining rainy rain. It's raining…

Kisame: Sake?!

-The Middle of Nowhere-

That's right. It's raining pure, authentic Japanese sake.

Kisame: WHAT THE FUCK!?

Tobi: Yay! Sake! [Starts drinking]

Kakuzu: Amazing! Incredible! Extraordinary! {Blarp}

Zetsu: [Absorbs sake]

Itachi: {Glug Glug Glug}

Hidan: Drinking anything other than blood is a sin…BUT THIS STUFF IS SO FUCKING GOOD! [Drinks]

Deidara: Yeah! Hooray! Un! [Burps]

Sasori: [Lies face up on the ground, drinking sake]

Kisame: Oh…what the heck! [Joins them]

30 minutes later, everyone is completely drunk.

Deidara: Wheee! I'm a clay pigeon! Watch me fly! {Hiccup} [Jumps off tree]

Tobi: LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL

Kisame: [Thinks he's a real shark] {Gasp} {Splutter} Need-water-he-{Gark} [Flounders on the ground]

Kakuzu: Yay! Let's play Operation! [Operates on himself]

Hidan: [Dizzily spins round and round while muttering a string of random profanities in 8 different languages which are so horrifically random I can't even bring myself to type them]

Zetsu: Bler…Hey…will you{hic}be my girl{hic}friend? [Gives a bouquet of dead plants to a flower]

Sasori: I'm Pinocchio! Look! I'm dancing on my own without strings! Lalala…

Itachi: WHERE ARE YOO SASUKE!? {Buuurp}

Somewhere else…

Sasuke: [Sneezes] Oh crap. I hope I'm not coming down with something…

-The Akatsuki Hideout-

The rainy rain has finally stopped raining.

Everyone: Yay!

Suddenly, the TV spontaneously explodes.

Everyone: …

Orochimaru: I'll go get the spare TV. [Gets up]

Kousuke: WAIT.

Orochimaru: ?

Kousuke: Pein.

Pein: Yes?

Kousuke: The TV is broken, right?

Pein: Er…yes?

Kousuke: It's beyond repair, right?

Pein: I guess so.

Kousuke: Well then…LET'S DESTROY IT.

Pein: OK!

Kousuke: I'll go get my Specially Patented GTA Baseball Bats!

Konan: What?

Kousuke: Special baseball bats which are used in GTA.

Konan: Aah.

-The Middle of Nowhere-

Tobi: Bleeublyouie! [Spins on his head at 150km/h]

Deidara: Explosive!

Sasori: Eternal!

Deidara: EXPLOSIVE!

Sasori: ETERNAL!

Deidara: EX-BLEARGH! [Pukes on the ground]

Sasori: Hah! I win! I-OW! [Trips and falls on Deidara]

Kisame: [Passed out on the ground due to imagined lack of necessary water]

Itachi: {Snore} Sasuke…

Zetsu: [Silence]

Hidan: FUCK YOU SATAN! [Faints]

Kakuzu: Dleargh…

Everyone is now unconscious.

-The Akatsuki Hideout-

Kousuke, Orochimaru, Pein and Konan have been smashing the TV for 10 minutes.

Kousuke: WHY{Smash}WON'T{Bash}IT{Bash}BREAK?! WHAT{Smash}IS IT {Whack}MADE{Bash}OF?!{Smash} [Pants heavily]

Pein: Due to our destructive tendencies, the casing is reinforced heat-treated waterproof, bombproof, shockproof, bulletproof, missleproof, radiation blocking, Akatsukiproof titanium alloy casing. I think.

Kousuke: Fine, let's see how resistant you are, TV! [Storms into the house]

5 minutes later, Kousuke is carrying a flamethrower, Pein is armed with a gatling gun, Orochimaru is wielding a chainsaw and Konan is readying a rocket launcher.

Kousuke: [Puts on welding mask] Ready?!

Everyone: Ready!

Orochimaru: YAH! [Chainsaws TV]

Kousuke: DIE! [Flamethrowers TV]

Pein: GO TO HELL! [Gatling guns TV]

Konan; WHAT HE SAID! [Rocket launchers TV]

A giant explosion explodes and a great fireball erupts, but the TV is unharmed.

Everyone: -.-|||

-The Middle of Nowhere-

Hidan: Uugh…what the hell…

Kakuzu: Shit…my head feels like it's gonna explode…

Itachi: Worse…hangover…ever…

Sasori: Need…aspirin…

Zetsu: [Eats random curative plant]

Deidara: [Lying on the ground] Where are my wings? I'm supposed to be…a clay…pigeon…un…

Kisame: Well shit.

Tobi: [Randomly appears out of thin air] Ah…that hit the spot [Throws away random empty soda can]

Itachi: Tobi…where did you get that? [Evil aura]

Tobi: [Stunned] From…the…Akatsuki hideout! W-Why?

Kisame: [Angry aura] You mean, you could teleport back to the Akatsuki hideout?

Tobi: Y-Yes.

Deidara: At any time? Un. [Clenches fists]

Tobi: [Panicks] H-Hai!

Sasori: So we could have gone back to the hideout at any time? [Cracks knuckles]

Tobi: Yes! [Really panics]

Hidan: And we've been walking all-this-fucking-time?! [Brings out sickle]

Tobi: {Tiny voice}…yes…[Trembles and shrinks with fear]

Everyone: [Silence]

Kakuzu; GET HIM!

Tobi: [Screams like a little girl] AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!

Everyone starts kicking, punching, lacerating, eviscerating, blow up-ing, jutsu-ing, defenestrating, slicing, dicing, frying, boiling, tearing, crushing, slashing, bashing, smashing, attacking, and beating up Tobi.

Tobi: NO! STOP! TOBI IS A GOOD BOY! T.T

Kakuzu: We've had enough of your 'Tobi is a good boy' crap!

Tobi: Aieee!

Everyone: Bring us home! NOW!

Tobi: Hai…[Opens up portal]

Everyone: [Tramples on Tobi to get in]

Tobi: [Crying] Why did this happen? Why are they so mean to me? Tobi is a good boy…{Sniffle}

Loud, reverberating voice in the sky (Referred to as LRVITS) : Because you didn't bring them back to the hideout earlier.

Tobi: {Gasp} Who are you?

LRVITS: I…am the Loud Reverberating Voice In The Sky.

Tobi: You mean, THE Loud Reverberating Voice In The Sky? :O

LRVITS (Now referred to as Bob): Yes, and please, call me Bob.

Tobi: Is that your real name?

Bob: No. It's because Loud Reverberating Voice In The Sky is too long, so I ask my friends to call me Bob instead of Loud Reverberating Voice In The Sky.

Tobi: I'm your friend?

Bob: Actually, I ask everyone to call me Bob.

Tobi: Oh…so can I have your autograph?

Bob: Sorry, I have no hands, so I can't autograph autographs. I'm just a voice.

Tobi: So…what now?

Bob: I'm supposed to give you a long lecture about moral values and how to treat your friends nicely.

Tobi: Can I skip the lecture and have a pizza instead?

Bob: Well…sure, why not? [Large pizza box falls from the sky]

Tobi: [Catches it] Wow, a pizza! Thanks Bob!

Bob: You're welcome, Tobi. Now, I bid thee farewell. May the random always be with you…[Voice fades into the distance]

Tobi: Bye Bob! [Teleports to Akatsuki Hideout] Hey guys, look what Bob gave me!

Itachi: Bob who?

Tobi: Never mind…

Meanwhile, outside the Akatsuki Hideout…

-Outside the Akatsuki Hideout-

Kousuke: Goddammit. How do we even break this TV?

Konan: You could try asking the TV nicely.

Kousuke: Yeah right. You mean like "Excuse me TV, but can you please break?" Hahaha…

Suddenly, the TV breaks.

Everyone: [Silence]

Everyone: [Sweatdrops]

Orochimaru: I'll go get the spare TV…

Tobi: [From inside the house] Hey guys! We have pizza! Come have some!

Everyone: PIZZA! [Dashes into house]

* * *

Hidan: Well what the fuck was that. Anyway, the next chapter will definitely be ready by tomorrow. Wait on bitches.

Kousuke: Don't swear in the afterword Hidan.

Hidan: Goddammit.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7: What the hell!?**

This chapter will have Kakuzu and myself only, so get ready! :D

Disclaimer: I.D.O.N.

* * *

Kakuzu: Why is this chapter called 'What the hell!?'?

Kousuke: Because it's going to be the shortest chapter in this fanfic.

Kakuzu: WHAT.

Kousuke: Sayonara!

Kakuzu: Wait what?!

* * *

Kakuzu: What the hell?! That idiot motherfucking author! {Sigh} Whatever, the next chapter might be up by tonight, so stay tuned.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8: The Akatsuki in Cameron Highlands! (Part 1)**

In June 2010 (yes, that's a very long time ago, but I wrote this during that time, now I'm just typing it down), my family and I vacationed at a place called Cameron Highlands, which is basically a number of towns at the top of a mountain/hill (if you want to know more just google). Anyway this was based on my trip there, so I decided to bring the Akatsuki and some friends along. ENJOY.

Edit: I don't know why, but fanfiction won't let me use radio station names like Un(fullstop)fm. Fuck you too fanfiction.

Disclaimer: I don't own the Akatsuki, Cameron Highlands and anything else that isn't owned by me.

* * *

-The Akatsuki Hideout-

Everyone is watching Kakuzu chase Kousuke around and around the hideout.

Kousuke: Stop it! GAAAAH!

Kakuzu: I will kill you!

Kousuke: Save me from this angry person!

Everyone: Hahahahaha!

Kakuzu: Katon:Zukkoku!

Kousuke: You missed!

The jutsu missed Kousuke but is now headed towards everyone.

Everyone: Ahhhh! [Runs away]

The jutsu hits the spot where everyone was sitting, leaving a small crater.

Everyone: [Sweatdrops]

Kousuke: Ahhhh!

Kakuzu: Die!

3 days later…

-The Akatsuki Hideout-

Everyone is bored.

Pein: What do we do now?

Tobi: Let's go to Cameron Highlands! :D

Kousuke: Why not? I have some apartments there.

Itachi: What are we waiting for? Let's go.

Pein: Don't we need to pack first?

Kisame: He's right you know.

Itachi: Ok. Let's pack.

Tobi: Let's go shopping first! :D

Sasori: Yeah, we need supplies!

Pein: Fine, let's shop.

Tobi: Yay! :D

Deidara: [Hits Tobi] Stop doing that! Un.

Tobi: Ow! Stop doing what, Deidara-senpai? :D

Deidara: [Kicks Tobi] Stop ':D'-ing!

Tobi: Ok… D:

-Cold Storage-

Speakers: Cold Storage! The fresh food people!

Kakuzu: I hate that jingle.

Pein: I got the trolley! Now load up!

Itachi: Butter!

Kisame: Canned tuna!

Sasori: Fanta!

Deidara: Bread! Un.

Hidan: Baked beans!

Kakuzu: Sliced ham!

Zetsu: Bacon!

Tobi: Oreos!

Konan: Cup ramen!

Pein: Pretzels!

Orochimaru: Eggs!

Kousuke: Mountain Dew!

Itachi: What about vegetables?

Deidara: And fruits! Un.

Kousuke: Plenty of those in Cameron.

Kisame: Fish crackers!

Sasori: Instant soup!

Hidan: Canned soup!

Kakuzu: Peanut butter!

Itachi: Sausages!

Deidara: Nutella!

Orochimaru: More eggs!

Konan: Instant mash!

Pein: We also need large-size bottles of water!

Zetsu: Frozen fries!

Tobi: Candy! Cookies!

Kousuke: Frozen nuggets!

Pein: Are we done yet?

Kousuke: OMG! We forgot the most important item!

Everyone: WHAT?!

Kousuke: Potato chips!

Everyone: …

Then…

Everyone: OMG! He's right! [Dashes off to look for potato chips]

Some time later…

Cashier: That will be 109000 Ryo, please.

Kakuzu: Fine. Goodbye money… [Pays cashier]

Cashier: Thank you very much! Please come again!

As the Akatsuki leave through the entrance…

Speakers: Cold Storage! The fresh food people!

Kakuzu: Argh! I can't take it anymore! DIE! [Destroys speakers]

Speakers: [Explode]

Kakuzu: {Grrr} Let's go.

Pein: Ok, load everything into the bus.

Sasori: I'll drive.

-The Akatsuki Hideout-

Pein: Ahh! I can't find my third favourite shirt! Where is it?!

Konan: Ok, the drinks go in that box, the food in…

Sasori: So, let's get this straight, we go through this town and have lunch there, then we drive down the highway and then take this exit?

Tobi: Has anyone seen Tobi's spare mask?

Kousuke: Correct.

Zetsu: Where's the fertilizer?

Sasori: Kousuke, have you packed yet?

Deidara: We don't need to bring any, un. There'll be plenty for sale in Cameron, un.

Kousuke: Ah! I forgot to pack! [Dashes off to pack]

Hidan: Where's the fuckin' karaoke set?!

Sasori: Wait a sec! I haven't packed yet either! [Dashes off to pack]

Kisame: NO! My Sea-Monkeys! They're DEAD!

Kakuzu: Watch it! You almost stepped on my foot! And nobody gives a shit about your Sea-Monkeys!

Orochimaru: What the hell?! My Kusanagi is missing! Tobi, are you using it to roast marshmallows again!?

That's right. Everyone is in complete chaos. However, they somehow manage.

Pein: Alright. Is everyone packed and ready?

Itachi: Yes.

Pein: Good. Kisame, don't bring your Sea-Monkeys. They're dead.

Kisame: I know! Don't say that! {Sniffle} I'll bury them here. [Digs hole with Samehada and pours Sea-Monkeys into hole]

Zetsu: Who will drive?

Kousuke: I wi-

Kakuzu: Go to hell bastard! If you drive us off the mountainside we won't survive!

Kousuke: {Sigh} Fine. Sasori, you drive.

Sasori: By the way, I'm bringing a friend along with me.

Pein: Really? Who?

Kousuke: Oh, there he is!

Izaku: Morning all!

Kousuke: Yo!

Sasori: Alright, everyone into the bus! First stop, lunch!

Everyone: [Enters bus]

-In the bus-

Sasori: Hey! It's Bustin Jieber's song on ! [Changes the radio channel]

Everyone: NO! DON'T!

Bustin Jieber: [Unbelievably ear-piercing high-pitched voice comes on] Hey everyone! This is my latest song, 'Ba-Blee' only on Un-fm! [Song begins]

Everyone: NO!

Bustin Jieber: [Song continues until] -**and we just blee bablee bablee bablee ohh like bablee bablee bablee Blee!**

Everyone: TURN IT OFF! NOW!

Sasori: Ok [Offs radio] Hey we're here!

They have arrived at a random coffee shop.

Pein: Ok, everybody out.

-In the coffee shop-

They entered the coffee shop and sat themselves at two tables.

Pein: What should we have?

Itachi: I want chicken rice.

Sasori: Yeah, chicken rice!

Deidara: Chicken rice, un!

Pein: Does everyone want chicken rice?

Everyone: [Looks at each other] Yes.

Pein: [Sweatdrops] Ok…I'll place our order. [Walks to chicken rice stall] 13 chicken rices please.

Stall owner: Ok.

15 minutes later, the food arrives.

Everyone: Itadakimasu! [Starts eating]

Hidan: [Wipes forehead] Wow, it's hot here isn't it? I don't think I can keep wearing these robes for long.

Pein: It sure is warm though.

Kousuke: Don't worry, it'll be much cooler up in the mountains.

Tobi: Blee! :D

30 minutes later, everyone is done and is back in the bus.

Sasori: Is everyone ready?

Everyone: Yeah!

Sasori: I'll continue driving!

-In the bus-

Everyone is in the bus, talking and chatting and playing random games and whatever-ing. Sasori is driving. When they finally arrived at the highway-

Tobi: [Reads newpaper] Hey, it says here that there's a 'Blee-fm '! Turn it on!

Sasori: Ok. [Switches radio station]

Blee: Hey there, this is ! I'm your DJ, Blee! Now we shall play the hit single, 'Blee' by 'The Bleeters'!

The Bleeters: **Blee, blee, blee blee blee blee! Blee Blee Blee! Blee Blee Blee! Blee! Blee! Blee Blee! Blee!**

The song continues for 10 minutes.

The Bleeters: **Bleebleebleebleebleebleebleeblee! **[Song ends]

Kakuzu: [Winces] Is it over?

Hidan: [Pulls cotton out of ears]

Sasori: We've reached the curvy ascending part of the highway.

Kisame: This is fun!

Kousuke: Don't tell me you've never been up a mountain before.

Kisame: No, I haven't!

Kousuke: [Bonks head on seat in front]

Orochimaru: Hey watch it!

Kousuke: Gomen…

Sasori: [Hits radio with hammer]

Yamato: Yo! This is Jonathan-fm! I'm your host, Yamato!

Izaku: Hey Kousuke! It's Yamato!

Kousuke: Oh yeah, he runs a radio station.

Deidara: Do you know him? Un.

Kousuke: We haven't seen him in a while.

Yamato: Last week, we asked you to vote for your favourite song out of the current Top 25 on our charts!

Everyone: Yes!

Yamato: Aaaand our new No.1 favourite song is…'Kill Me' by Bustin Jieber, which is practically the only decent song he has!

Everyone: Yay!

Yamato: And here it is, broadcasted live from an undisclosed location, only on Jonathan-fm.

Bustin Jieber: Thanks Yamato! Here's my No.1 hit single, 'Kill Me'! {Ahem} [Starts singing]

**You know you hate me**

**I know you do**

**I'll shout whenever**

**And you'll kill me**

**You want me dead**

**I'll never live**

**And my head will be rolling on the ground**

**You'll blow my head off (Yup)**

**Just keep chasing**

**I'll be dead sooner or later**

**And then nobody will ever find my corpse**

**A sad end for a talented idol**

**But somehow you'll-**

**Kill me, kill me, kill me (ohh,)**

**Don't kill me, kill me, kill me (noo,)**

**You'll kill me, kill me, kill me (ohh,)**

**My corpse will never be found (found). ((2X))**

**You just want me dead, I understand your feelings**

**That, later on will definitely happen**

**But for now I'm still living**

**And I'm still pissing**

**The crap out of you**

**The marbles out of you**

**Soon I'll be in pieces**

**No one can fix me**

**Bullet holes through every place you can dream**

**I'm gonna die, die, die, die**

**And the cops won't save me**

**I'm so doomed this time**

**And I just scream-**

**Spare me, spare me, spare me (ohh,)**

**Please spare me, spare me, spare me (please!)**

**Just spare me, spare me, spare me (ohh,)**

**Don't make me do a backflip. ((2X))**

Sircadul: [Raps]

**When I was 15, I was a damn jerk**

**My debut single pissed the crap out of people**

**I got them people boo-ing, oh they were pissed off**

**They chucked things at me, rotten eggs included**

**They were radical, I'll bump one in the street and they'll cuss at me**

**Let's go to the playground, but my luck is nowhere near better**

**I know they all just hate me, coz I was too amazing**

**But now my head is breaking, and I'm sure this dude will-**

Bustin Jieber:

**Kill me, kill me, kill me (ohh,)**

**He'll kill me, kill me, kill me (noo,)**

**He'll kill me, kill me, kill me (ohh,)**

**Finally I'm gonna die, die, die**

**Now I'm all gone (Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah)**

**I'm gone (Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah)**

**Gone, gone, I'm dead-**

**{Beeeeeeeeeeeep}**

Everyone in the bus is now…

Kousuke: Good one! [Claps hands]

Tobi: Blee! :D

Everyone: Yeah! [Applause]

Yamato: That was great! I hope that the next time we see you it'll be at your funeral, Bustin. Well, right now I'm hosting from my car on the way up to Cameron Highlands, so see you all in a few days! Yamato, out! [Radio signal cuts off]

Izaku: Hey, he's going to Cameron too. I hope we'll see him.

A few minutes later, the bus is still climbing the mountain.

Tobi: Are we there yet?

Zetsu: No.

A few more minutes later…

Tobi: Are we there yet?

Hidan: NO.

3 more minutes later…

Tobi: Are we there yet?

Deidara: HELL NO! Shut up you retard! Un!

Kousuke: It'll take at least another hour or two at most to arrive at where we're staying.

Zetsu: Aha!

Everyone: What?

Zetsu: I just remembered, '查账员' means 'Auditor'!

Pein: Oh yeah, it is!

Sasori: OH MY GOD! [Emergency brakes]

Pein: What?!

Sasori: That car is about to drive off the mountain! Wait, someone is throwing luggage out of the car! And he just jumped out! Why am I saying everything with exclamation marks!

Kousuke: Hey! That's Yamato! Heey! [Gets out of bus]

Izaku: Wait up! [Follows]

They left the bus and went towards Yamato.

Kousuke: Yamato! Are you alright?

Izaku: Yeah, why did you jump out of the bus? I mean, car?

Yamato: Oh, hey there. Long time no see guys. Well, my driver was driving me up the mountainside when he suddenly died. Unfortunately, he died with his foot slamming the accelerator, so I grabbed my stuff, threw them out and jumped out of the car leaving Dave in it.

Kousuke: So, how are you going to get to Cameron now?

Yamato: Hmm…got space in your car?

Kousuke: Plenty.

Izaku: Sure you can come with us!

Yamato: Arigatou.

The three of them got onto the bus.

Kousuke: Presenting the host of …YAMATO!

Sasori: [Fangirls] OMG, it's you in the flesh! I'm one of your biggest fans! Sign this puppet of you?

Yamato: Uh…ok [Signs puppet]

Tobi: Deidara-senpai! I want his autograph! Can you get it for me? Please? [Eye sparkles]

Deidara: Get it yourself Tobi…OK, FINE! I'm a fan too! 2 autographs please!

Yamato: Sure, sure. _WTF, why is everyone acting like I'm someone famous? I mean, I'm just the host of my personal radio station, not a celebrity. Besides, not many people know how to get my radio channel._

Kisame: Hey Yamato, how do we get your radio channel?

Yamato: Well, if everyone gives me 1000 Ryo each, I'll tell you.

Everyone: [Gives Yamato 1000 Ryo each]

Yamato: _That was easy._ Ok, to get the radio signal of Jonathan-fm, you have to…[Dramatic pause]

Everyone: [Waiting in anticipation]

Yamato: …hit the radio with a hammer!

Everyone: Aahh.

Kousuke: …Hey…where's Sasori?

Kakuzu: In the toilet, why?

Izaku: [Eyes widen] If he's in the toilet…who's driving the bus?

Everyone: [Silence]

Hidan: Well fuck.

The bus suddenly swerved to the right, ramming into a car which fell off the mountain. They ran over Jichael Mackson, who was doing his 'Starstroll' across the road. Unnamed, winged bugs splattered on the windscreen. A pigeon took a shit on someone's head. A praying mantis ate a bee. Sasori left the toilet.

Sasori: Aah…much better.

Kakuzu: [Whacks Sasori] Hey asshole! Get back into the driver's seat and steer this fuckin' thing!

Sasori: Yeah, ye-aaaaaaahhhhhhhh!

* * *

What happened? Why did Sasori yell 'Aahh' in mid-yeah? Why does Tobi say 'Blee'? Find out in Part 2.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9: The Akatsuki in Cameron Highlands! (Part 2)**

Aaaaand here is le second part! ENJOY.

Disclaimer: Same as Part 1

* * *

Last time, on Akatsuki Randomness! Chapter 8: Akatsuki at Cameron Highlands! (Part 1)

-The Akatsuki Bus, En-route to Cameron Highlands-

Sasori: Yeah, ye-aaaaaaahhhhhhh!

Konan: What happened?!

Sasori: There's a nail in my ass!

Deidara: [Angry aura] Tobi…

Tobi: I thought it would be funny…

Sasori: [Pulls nail out of ass] OW!

Orochimaru: Sasori! Get your butt into the driver's seat and drive already!

Sasori: I KNOW DAMMIT! [Drives bus]

Sasori spins the steering wheel, causing the bus to veer off the veered off course. He floored the accelerator, causing the bus to plow through traffic.

Yamato: [Sweatdrops] Does this happen often?

Kousuke: No, usually eighty-three times a day.

Finally, they arrived at the apartments without any other eventful events happening. Sasori parked the bus in the parking lot.

Kousuke: Alright, we're here. Everyone, out of the bus! And take your rubbish with you!

Everyone: [Gets out of bus]

Tobi: Kousuke?

Kousuke: Yeah, what?

Tobi: I thought you were going to tell everyone why Tobi says 'Blee'?

Kousuke: Oh, I almost forgot!

Yamato: Well.

Kousuke: Tobi says 'Blee' because…he's a retard!

Deidara: You think we'd have already figured that out ourselves, un.

Tobi: Blee! :D

Kousuke: Now, continued. Everyone out!

The general murmur of people in a bus gathering their stuff and getting out was heard.

Kousuke: Ok, follow me. [Carries luggage]

Hidan: Fuck, there's no lift?!

Kousuke: [Evil stare]

Hidan: Ok... [Climbs stairs]

Halfway up the stairs, Tobi slips and yells-

Tobi: Blee! :D

Tobi, Hidan, Orochimaru, Itachi, Deidara, Sasori and Kakuzu fell down about five or six flights of stairs.

Itachi: TO-BI!

Tobi: Uh-oh.

In chibi anime style, Itachi grabs Tobi, runs to the edge of the mountain and throws him off the mountain.

Itachi: GOOD RIDDANCE!

Tobi: [Crying] Uwaaah!

Kisame: [Sweatdrops] Itachi, was that necessary!

Itachi: {Yells} Do you want me to throw you off too, fish?!

Kisame: [On the verge of tears] Fish…he called me fish…

Now everyone is climbing the stairs. Itachi is fuming and in front. Tobi and Kisame are lagging behind.

Kisame: [Gloom] Fish…he called me fish…

Tobi: Owie…that hurt…

Pein: Looks like Itachi finally snapped…

Deidara: Yup, un.

They reached the fourth floor.

Kousuke: Ok. Itachi, Kisame, Deidara, Sasori, Izaku, Yamato and I will take Apartment 49-a. Hidan, Kakuzu, Zetsu, Tobi, Orochimaru, Pein and Konan will take Apartment 49-b. Got it?

Everyone: Yes!

Kousuke: Good. At 6pm, come to my apartment to regroup, ok?

Everyone: Hai!

Kousuke: Ok. [Enters apartment]

-Apartment 49-a, 3.30pm-

Kousuke: Ok, take your shoes off.

They took their shoes off.

Kousuke: OMG!

Sasori: Kisame! I had no idea! Your feet stink like hell!

Deidara: Go take a bath, un.

Kisame: Yes. [Enters bath]

Itachi: I'll open the windows. [Walks off]

Kousuke: Ok, I'll take this room. I always take this room. Itachi, Kisame, Deidara and Sasori will share the master bedroom. Izaku and Yamato will take the remaining room. Any questions?

Kisame: {From bathroom} FUCK!

Kousuke: While I'm not saying it's not allowed, please keep your sexual activities to a minimum.

Deidara: [Looks at Kousuke] Wut. Un.

Yamato: What?!

Kisame: This water's freezing cold!

Kousuke: [Sweatdrops] I won't risk seeing Kisame naked. I might die. Itachi, you go help him. To turn on the hot water, press the red switch outside, then press the Reset button on the shower and wait 10 to 15 minutes.

Itachi: [Turns on switch and tells Kisame how to on the hot water from outside bathroom door] Kisame, did you get that?

Kisame: [Silence]

Itachi: Kisame?

Kisame: [More silence]

Itachi: I'll check on him. [Opens door]

Kousuke: [Assembles his old PS2]

Itachi: Um, guys? Kisame has frozen into a block of ice.

Izaku: I didn't even know that was possible.

Sasori: [Opens fridge] Well, he is cold-blooded.

Deidara: Yeah, un. [Stands on balcony] This place is nice…why can't we just move HQ here, un.

Kousuke: Just turn on the hot water. He'll thaw out. Eventually.

Yamato: [Sweatdrop]

Kousuke: I'll go check on the others. [Leaves room]

-Apartment 49-b, 3.45pm-

Kousuke: [Eye twitches] W. T. F.

Hidan: Yo!

The apartment was in a complete mess.

Kousuke: [Bashes Hidan with frying pan] You've only been here for 15 freakin' minutes and you've already trashed the place!

Hidan: {Ulp} Sorry.

Kousuke: Where's everyone?

Hidan: Zetsu is sleeping, Tobi is eating Oreos on the balcony, Konan is showering, Pein, Kakuzu and Orochimaru are trying to get a look at her.

Konan: PERVERTS! [Throws random bathing equipment at them]

Pein: Oh shit! Retreat!

Hidan: Looks like she found out. [Drinks blood coffee]

Kousuke: [Sweatdrops] …Tobi! No throwing Oreos off the balcony!

Tobi: Ok…D:

Zetsu: [Emerges from room] Konnichiwa…

Hidan: Yo.

Kousuke: So, what are your sleeping arrangements.

Hidan: I'm sharing the master bedroom with Kakuzu, Tobi and Orochimaru. Zetsu gets a room to himself because of his Venus Flytrap thingy. Pein and Konan are sharing, of course.

Kousuke: Of course…I'll probably have to replace the bedsheets…AND mattress. Well, I better get back. Oh, and Hidan?

Hidan: Nani?

Kousuke: [Evil glare] You're responsible for this apartment's cleanliness. [Leaves apartment].

Hidan: …fuck.

-Apartment 49-a, 4.00pm-

Kousuke: Tadaima.

Izaku: Hey!

Yamato: Anything?

Kousuke: The usual.

Yamato: By usual, you mean?

Kousuke: Yep.

Yamato: Ah.

Kousuke: [Sits down] So, what should we play?

Deidara: Of course we play our game first, un.

Kousuke: Ok then. [Inserts Naruto Shippuden Naruto Narutimate Accel 2]

Skipping the intro, they arrive at character select.

Kousuke: Why don't you two go first?

Itachi: Sure.

Deidara: Un.

Itachi: I'll use Itachi. Support…Sasori/Hiruko.

Deidara: Shit. Fine. I'll use Deidara. Support, Kisame! Un!

Itachi: 99 secs. Battle start!

(Game Itachi is Itachi P1 and game Deidara is Deidara P2)

Itachi P1: Katon:Gokakyu no Jutsu!

Deidara P2: [Guard]

Itachi: Just die!

Deidara: Forget it, un!

41 seconds later…

Itachi: Ultimate Jutsu!

Deidara: No!

Itachi, Deidara: [Presses buttons]

Itachi: YES!

Itachi: Katon:Goenkyu no Jutsu!

Deidara P2 was blown up. He died. Itachi won.

Itachi: Even in the game world, you will never defea-

Suddenly, Deidara stood up, grabbed Itachi and dragged him out of the apartment. Everyone else watched from the balcony as Deidara ran an incredible distance at an incredible speed to a nearby hill, dragging Itachi behind him.

Deidara: ITACHI! I CHALLENGE YOU!

Itachi: [Confused] Wtf?

Deidara: KIBAKU NENDO:C3:NO.18!

Everyone watched as Deidara dropped a massive clay turnip on Itachi, blowing up one-thirds of the hill and killing tons of wildlife. Deidara returned 10 minutes later, dragging a blackened, unconscious Itachi behind him.

Deidara: TERMINATED, un.

Suddenly, the doorbell rang. Kousuke went to get it.

Forest ranger: Um, is Mr. Deidara from…um…the Akatsuki here?

Deidara: That's me, un.

Forest ranger: You are sentenced to a fine of 1000000 Ryo for destroying large amonts of wildlife.

Deidara: …

Forest ranger: …

Deidara: …I don't care, un.

Forest ranger: Ahh!

The forest ranger screamed as half a dozen clay spiders landed on him and blew him up. He died.

Zetsu: Yay, a snack. [Starts eating forest ranger]

Kousuke: Don't eat him now Zetsu. You won't have room for dinner later.

Zetsu: Ok…

Zetsu left, leaving behind a half-eaten forest ranger.

Kousuke: Get rid of the body. It's our duty to keep the environment clean, un.

Deidara: Hey, that's my line, un.

Deidara picked up the body and threw it off the building. Then Kousuke and Deidara reentered the apartment.

-Apartment 49-a, 5.00pm-

Sasori: Hey, I just beat both Izaku and Yamato. I'm awesome!

Kousuke: Alright, I'll play

Izaku: [Laughs] Alright, Kousuke's playing!

Sasori: I'll use Sasori. Support, Chiyo.

Kousuke: Random, as usual.

Kousuke pressed the green triangle. Characters flashed by until-

Kousuke: [Presses button]

It was Ino.

Sasori: LOL what a joke! I'm so gonna win.

Back in Konoha, Ino sneezed.

Ino: What was that? Someone better no be talking shit about me...

Back at the apartment…

Kousuke: We'll see. Support, Shikamaru. Infinite time. Battle start!

Sasori: YAH! [Maniacally presses buttons]

22 seconds later, Kousuke beat Sasori in a perfect match.

Sasori: I…lost? Against? [Faints]

Izaku: Kousuke has been playing this for eight years, so far I haven't met anyone that can beat him at his current level.

Kousuke leaned forward and turned off the PS2.

Kousuke: Alright, that's enough for now. Get ready to head out. Deidara, pour some cold water on Sasori or something. Itachi, check if Kisame has defrosted. Izaku, Yamato, go check if the others are ready.

Itachi: Ok, un.

Deidara: I have to copyright that line. From now on it's 'un™', un™.

-Apartment 49-a, 6.00pm-

Everyone is in Apartment 49-a. The Akatsuki are in normal clothes. The other three are staring.

Akatsuki members: What?

Yamato: Uh…well…

Kousuke: We've never seen you in normal clothes before.

Pein: So?

Izaku: Never mind.

Tobi: Hah! Zetsu! I knew they were fake! Hah! Blee!

Everyone looked at Zetsu. His Venus Flytrap thingys aren't there.

Orochimaru: Huh? I could have sworn they were real. I used them to make Itachi's Viagra.

Itachi: YOU WHAT.

Tobi: No! Fake! :D

Zetsu: I can retract them into my body.

Hidan: Wat.

Kousuke: [Looks at watch] Come on, time to go!

Sasori: Still driving!

-The Akatsuki Bus-

Sasori: Where to, Kousuke?

Kousuke: [Tells directions which I am too lazy to type it down]

Sasori: Ok.

Kousuke: I'll tell you more when- WHO'S THROWING RANDOM THINGS AT ME!

Deidara: DAMN IT KISAME! UN™!

Kisame: [Randomly throws potato chips]

Yamato: I am totally owning you.

Izaku: Shut up and fight.

Yamato and Izaku are playing Tekken 6 on PSP against each other.

Pein: Hey look. Blee.

Tobi: Blee! :D

Zetsu: Blee…?

Hidan: Yes Blee!

Kakuzu: Stop bleeing.

Orochimaru: Bleeeeeeeee.

Kousuke: We're here!

Sasori: Everyone out.

They stopped outside a fruit shop.

Tobi: Hey look! Fruit!

Kousuke: [Facepalm] I really need to get more material. Let's go.

The Akatsuki walked. People stared at them, but not for long.

Sasori: So, where are we going for dinner.

Kousuke: A café called 'Rose Garden'. There it is!

Deidara: Looks nice, un™.

They entered. They sat themselves at two tables and ordered their food and drink. They chatted about random things like North Korea, bubblegum, Bobby Bognar and carrots. When the food arrived they ate and talked about more random things like Bixbyxite, oxygen, californium, rulers and walls. Finally, they left.

-Streets, Cameron Highlands-

Kisame: The air up here is nice.

Kakuzu: It's cold!

Deidara: There aren't many currents to glide on, un™. [Flies on clay bird]

Pein: Deidara! No jutsu in public!

Child: MOM! There's a monster! [Runs away from Kisame]

Itachi: …anyone for ice-cream?

Tobi: YAY! :D

They bought ice-creams, got back into the bus and went back. Sasori was driving. Sasori is a careful driver. Unlike us, he drives like he's playing a mix of GTA and Burnout. There is not one moment where he does not run over someone.

-Apartment 49-a-

Everyone is in Kousuke's apartment. They are having a hell of a time. Empty cans, bottles, chip bags and snack wrappers littered the ground.

Hidan: Yeah Kaku! {Hic} [Open 13th can of beer] Cheers!

Kakuzu: Hah! Cheers!

'I'm Not Okay, I Promise' was playing loudly, interrupted by equally loud and frequent crashs.

Izaku: Shiiiit! Critical Damage! [Steers car]

Yamato: You're fucked. I've won!

Itachi: Hah! I win! Sasori…

Sasori: I'll never bet my body parts again…[Removes arm]

Deidara: [Puts down cards] Well, you can just make another one!

Tobi: Hey! Let's play the Pocky Game! :D [Throws Pocky at Konan]

Konan: {Giggles} Alright! Pein-kun…

Pein: Time to run!

Konan: Get him!

Kousule and Tobi grabbed hold of Pein.

Kousuke: Oraora! Don't think you can run!

Pein: Geh! Dammit!

Konan spun Pein to face her and stuck a Pocky in his mouth. Konan bit into the other end and she bit forward. The Pocky broke. Konan tried again. It broke again. Konan glared at Pein. Pein froze. They tried again and they finally started making out. Everyone else wolf-whistled and cheered.

Kousuke: YES!

Itachi: Nice one.

Pein: {Sigh} Who's next?

Deidara: Me! Me! Sasori-danna! Let's play! Un™!

Sasori: O…k?

Deidara and Sasori placed a Pocky in between their mouths. They succeeded on their first go and started making out. Some of the Akatsuki were revolted. Some were mildly interested. Some…well…

Tobi: OMG! Deidara-senpai! YOU'RE GAY! [Starts crying and runs into bathroom]

Kousuke: WHYYYYYYYYY

Orochimaru: MY EYES! MY VIRGIN EYES!

Zetsu: …

Itachi: …Sasuke…

Kisame: Hey Itachi! Let's play!

Itachi: HELL NO! [Falcon punches KIsame]

Kisame: AAAAAAGGGGGHHHHHH!

Tobi returned.

Kousuke: So, what should we play now?

Itachi: Monopoly!

Kisame: Go Fish!

Deidara: Checkers, un™!

Sasori: Chess!

Hidan: Strip poker!

Kakuzu: Operation!

Zetsu: Plants vs Zombies!

Tobi: Cookie! :D

Konan: Truth or Dare!

Pein: Shogi!

Orochimaru: Whack a Snake!

Kousuke: Gundam Seed Destiny OMNI vs ZAFT II PLUS!

Izaku: Guitar Hero!

Yamato: Some random Wii shit!

In the end, they played everything, finishing a third of their snacks. At around 12 midnight, they went back to sleep in their respective rooms. To be continued…


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10: The Akatsuki at Cameron Highlands! (Part 3)**

Finally, the third and second last part of this epic saga of epicness. ENJOY. Oh yes, from this chapter onwards I shall be discarding the dialogue style fanfiction in favor of the normal style, which I had just mastered at the time this chapter was first written (4 years ago).

Disclaimer: I don't own the Akatsuki.

* * *

-Next morning, Apartment 49-a, 7.30am-

Kousuke spat in the sink. He rinsed his mouth and left the bathroom to rejoin Izaku and Yamato who were already awake and drinking coffee.

"Hey."

"You're done?"

"Yeah."

Kousuke sat at the table and looked around.

"Did anyone else wake up while I was in there?"

"Yeah," answered Yamato. "Itachi went down a jog a while ago."

"Alright then. Let's plan breakfast."

At about 8am, Itachi returned.

"Oh, morning, Kousuke."

"Hey Itachi. How was your jog?"

"Not bad. Killed a few people."

At that moment, an anguished scream could be heard from the bedroom.

"Itachi! Where are you? I just had a terrible nightmare!" Kisame started crying.

"Dammit, shut up Kisame! Un™!" said Deidara while tying his hair.

"Where is Itachi when we need him, retard," Sasori walked into the bathroom, apparently not noticing Itachi standing in the kitchen.

"ITACHI! WAAAAH!"

Itachi sighed.

"Well, I should go, otherwise he'll blow out our eardrums."

Itachi entered the bedroom. A disgruntled Deidara was styling his hair. Kisame sat on the bed, wearing his shark-print pajamas and hugging a shark plushie.

"Itachi! You came!"

"What happened?" asked Itachi, sounding utterly bored and unconcerned.

"It's-terrible! I-I had a terrifying nightmare! There-There…THERE WERE NO MORE SHARKS IN THE SEA! THEY WERE ALL GONE!"

Kisame started crying again. Itachi sighed.

Back in the kitchen, Kousuke handed a bowl to Izaku.

"I'm going to check on the others as well as get other ingredients."

"Alright, good luck!" said Izaku.

"Don't die," said Yamato.

"Whatever…"

-Apartment 49-b-

Kousuke opened the door. Hidan and Kakuzu were stting on the sofa. The TV was on. Hidan was once again drinking blood coffee. Kakuzu was…counting money? And they both looked like they were experiencing terrible hangovers. They were.

"Hey…Kousuke…" said Hidan.

"Hidan…have you seen Peter…Charle and Wendy?" asked Kakuzu.

"No, and don't fucking name every single bill you have- ow."

They were about to start arguing when they both held their head and moaned at the same time. Kousuke went to the fridge.

"Where's everyone?"

"Zetsu is photosynthesizing on the balcony, Tobi is…somewhere, Oro is looking for his eyeliner, Pein and Konan are…having their 'morning session'," said Hidan.

"I see…"

As Kousuke left the apartment, he turned around and said.

"Bring your table when you come over WITHOUT destroying anything. Oh, and if this room isn't sparkling clean the next time I enter I'll rip you to shreds.

Kousuke left.

"…fuck."

-Apartment 49a, 9.00am-

"Put the table here, next to ours."

"Ok."

After half an hour, a massive breakfast lay on the two tables. Toast, omelettes, bacon, ham, baked beans, sausages, mushrooms, coffee, orange juice and milk. Enough food for 20 people. They are the Akatsuki, after all.

"Wow, that's amazing," said Sasori.

"Thanks."

"Yay!" screamed Tobi "Bacon! :D"

They sat down.

"Itadakimasu!"

Of course, being the Akatsuki, they ate like madmen.

"This is great!" exclaimed Kakuzu.

"Yeah, un™!"

Finally, the table was devoid of all food whatsoever (as well as a few plates). The rest of the dirty dishes that survived the onslaught were in the sink. Kousuke stood up.

"Alright, same as yesterday. Rest, get dressed and meet here at 10am."

Everyone nodded and got up. Now, we shall jump one hour ahead."

-Apartment 49a, 10.00am-

Once again, the Akatsuki were in the living room of Apartment 49a and dressed in normal clothes. Since I neglected to describe what they were wearing in the previous chapter, I shall do it now. Today, Itachi wore a dark-red hoodie and black pants. Kisame wore a white t-shirt, black leather jackets and blue jeans. Sasori wore a brown hoodie and grey pants. Deidara wore a pink sweater and blue jeans. The sleeves of his sweater fell past his hands. Hidan wore a black shirt with 'JASHIN' emblazoned on the front in blood-red, a purple hoodie with the same design on the back, and black pants. Kakuzu wore a money-green jacket and white pants. Tobi wore an orange t-shirt which said 'Blee! :D' in blue letters and purple-green shorts. Zetsu wore a green hoodie with holes in it for his Venus Flytrap thingys as well as black-and-white pants which matched his actual colour. Pein wore a black hoodie with Akatsuki clouds all over it and grey pants. Konan wore a blue sweater, black thigh-highs and a white miniskirt which made her look reaaaally cute (according to Pein, that is). Orochimaru wore a beige jacket, purple belt and black pants. Kousuke wore a black Matryoshka hoodie and black pants. Izaku wore a cyan jacket and jeans. Yamato wore a white hoodie with 'BLACK ANT' written all over it in black and grey pants.

"Ok, let's go, un™."

Everyone looked at Deidara and started giggling.

"W-W-What? Un™."

"Y-You look like a girl in that sweater! Why are you even wearing it?!" exclaimed Konan. Finally, everyone burst out laughing. Deidara looked flustered.

"I-I-I packed my sister's sweater by mistake! We were rushing, remember! Un™!"

"You have a sister?" asked Pein.

"Yeah, but I blew her up, un™."

"Alright then, let's go…Deidara…chan…"

Sasori started laughing again. So did everyone else.

" "

Sasori. Certified Akatsuki bus driver. 10.11am, drove to town. Casualties: 3 old ladies, numerous unknown insects, 17 innocent bystanders, 4 dogs, 7 aliens and a certain person carrying a tennis racket names Ekul Groundrunner. At 10.30am, they arrived at a small town.

-Town-

The Akatsuki split up. Itachi-Kisame, Deidara-Sasori, Hidan-Kakuzu, Tobi-Zetsu, Pein-Konan, Orochimaru, Kousuke, Izaku-Yamato.

"Ok, meet here at the bus at 12.30, understood?" yelled Kousuke.

"Hai!" yelled the Akatsuki.

-Souvenir shop-

Deidara, Sasori and Kousuke ended up in a souvenir shop. Deidara looked appreciatively at some clay pottery, Sasori tested out some marionettes while Kousuke chose some random things such as spinning wheel toys, keychains, a BB shotgun and some other things. Deidara picked up a pot.

"This pot will be perfect, un™. I can just see an exploding clay flower in it, un™."

He walked over to the counter.

"Excuse me, how much for the pot? Un™."

"800 Ryo."

"Alright, here you go, un™."

"Thank you, miss."

Deidara froze.

"…What was that?"

"Huh?"

Deidara started trembling in anger.

"Is there something wrong, miss?"

"…I'm a freaKIN' GUY DAMMIT! UN™!"

The shop was instantly blown up, killing a number or innocent passerbys. Everyone in the shop was killed except the shopkeeper, Deidara, Sasori and Kousuke. The top half of the building was gone. The bottom half was blackened, burnt and smoking. Deidara stormed away.

"I-am-going-to-buy-a-new-sweater-right-this-instant-Un™!"

Kousuke sighed.

"Well, at least the stuff I bought are intact."

Sasori laughed.

"Deidara-chan is cute when he's angry, isn't he?"

Kousuke looked at Sasori incredulously at sweatdropped.

"Whatever you say…"

"C'mon, let's go see what Deidara will buy."

"Alright then…"

-Pet shop-

Pein, Konan, Itachi and Kisame were in a pet shop. Kisame kept prodding a fish tank. Itachi stood next to him, emotionless as usual.

"Hey there fishies…you look cute…do you want to be friends? There's plenty of roo in my stomach…"

"…"

Meanwhile, Pein was looking at some hamsters. Suddenly, he noticed two girls whispering a few feet away. Although he couldn't hear them, this was what they said.

"Hey, that guy is cute."

"Really cute."

"Hey, let's ask him to come with us."

"But he does look a bit scary…"

"Scary is cool! Let's go!"

Girl A dragged Girl B towards Pein. Pein looked at them.

"Hey, do you want to join us?" asked Girl A.

Pein looked around.

"Um, sure. Let's go before-"

"Pein-kun, look what I bought!"

"Oh, um, next time girls…"

Suddenly, Konan appeared and snapped something on Pein's neck.

"Look, I bought the Dog Shocker X-300 Ver 2.3. It's a shock collar to keep you from going out with other girls. Here, let me test it…"

Konan pushed Pein towards the two girls. When he was 15cm away, 20000 volts of electricity coursed through his body. Electricity crackled in the air. Pein fainted. Konan smiled and dragged Pein's body away. The two girls giggled.

-Cactus shop-

Zetsu, Tobi and Orochimaru were at a cactus shop. Zetsu was closely examining same cactuses. Or…cacti? Is the plural of cactus cactuses or cacti? I think it's cacti. Oh well, let's just go with cacti. Zetsu was staring at some cacti. A shopkeeper came over.

"Excuse me…um…sir?"

"Yes."

"How can I help you?"

"…Do you have any man-eating cacti?"

"Um…no, but we do have some other carnivorous plants."

"Where?"

"Over there."

The shopkeeper pointed. Zetsu shuffled towards the carnivorous plant section.

"OW! D:"

Tobi was covered in cactus thorns. He ran towards Zetsu.

"Zetsu! That cactus poked me! D:"

"…huh?"

"It looked friendly, so I gave it a hug, but…but…IT POKED ME! D:"

"…ah. Come, let's go look at carnivorous plants."

"Yay! :D"

They left the area. Orochimaru however, approached the shopkeeper.

"Excuse me, how much is that long, snake-like cactus?"

"9600 Ryo."

"That's expensive."

"Actually, I already gave you a discount. The actual selling price is 130000 Ryo."

"What if it turned into a snake and followed me home?"

The shopkeeper laughed.

"Sure, alright."

Orochimaru smiled and poked the cactus. In instantly turned into a large, cactus-green, thorn-covered snake. The shopkeeper screamed. The cactussnake hissed and ate the shopkeeper. At that moment, the carnivorous plant section was smashed apart. Giant Venus Flytraps, pitcher plants and sundews started eating people. Zetsu and Tobi rejoined Orochimaru.

"What did you do?" asked OOOOOOHIMARU  
"Jutsu-ed. Yu?"

"Me too. Let's go. Come on Cacty, get in the scroll."

The cactussnake hissed and disappeared. Zetsu, Tobi and Orochimaru left.

-The Akatsuki Bus, 12.30pm-

The Akatsuki were all at the parking lot, arms full of random, mostly useless merchandise. Deidara was now wearing a yellow hoodie. Kousuke looked around.

"Well, looks like everyone's here. Let's go for lunch."

Sasori drove them back, stopping at a café for lunch. Nothing eventful happened there (for once), so I'll skip that.

-Apartment 49a-

Kousuke pressed a button. A car blew up. He pressed again. A dozen pedestrians were killed. He laughed maniacally.

"HA! HAHA! HAHAHA! DIE! HA!"

Yamato looked at him.

"Dude, it's my turn."

"Ok, fine…"

Kousuke passed the controller to Yamato. He pulled out a sniper rifle and started sniping virtual pedestrians. Itachi polished a kunai.

"Hidan's singing was surprisingly good…"said Itachi.

"Yeah. Kakuzu sucked though. I thought my ears would explode from his voice during last night's karaoke," said Kousuke.

"So what are we doing tonight?"

"We'll go to the main town, walk for a while, eat dinner, then go to the night market."

"Sounds interesting," said Kisame who had just walked out of his room.

"ITACHI, UN™!" yelled Deidara.

"What?"

"Your bag is on my DS! Un™!"

"So?"

"Pick it up! Un™!"

"You pick it up!"  
"I would, but I'm afraid that something in it might kill me if I do! Un™!"

Itachi sighed.

"He's right. I'll go pick it up."

Itachi threw the kunai out of the apartment through the balcony, got up and entered his room as the kunai impaled and killed a non-virtual pedestrian.

-Brinchang, 6.00pm-

Kousuke got out. He looked around.

"Alright! Guys, we're here!"

Everyone got out. Kousuke looked at his watch.

"Alright, we have one hour to kill before dinner. Meet here again at 7."

Everyone murmured and split up. Kousuke, Izaku and Yamato walked across the street, ignoring the pedestrians staring at the trails of blood that led from the bus tires.

Now, with the magic of fanfiction, we shall skip to dinner.

-Restaurant-

By far, the Akatsuki's table was the noisiest, but no one cared. Everyone else was just as noisy. Kousuke gave his order to the waitress.

"Mushroom stir-fry, pork spareribs, steamed grouper, lemon chicken and stir-fried water convolvous in chilli paste, all large! And 14 large rices as well!"

When the waitress passed Pein's chair, he was shocked with 20000 volts for the 18th time that day.

"Konan…please…unlock it…take it off…"

"Hmm, if you let me be on top tonight."

"Deal."

Konan snapped off the shock collar. Pein breathed a sigh of relief. Everyone laughed. The food arrived. The Akatsuki stopped talking and immediately began to devour the food

"Zetsu!" said Pein "The table is not for eating!"

"Sorry," said Zetsu as he ate his fork and spoon.

Finally, everyone finished. Kousuke called for the bill. The same waitress came over. She smiled. Kousuke paid her.

"Wow, that was fast. Hey, do you want to go out with me later? My shift ends soon."

Kousuke looked around. The Akatsuki were all sniggering. Kousuke turned to the waitress and smiled.

"Sorry, but I'm busy tonight."

"That's too bad. Next time then."

She left. Still smiling, Kousuke turned to face everyone and cracked his knuckles. Everyone gulped.

Minutes later, the Akatsuki walked down the street. All of them sported huge lumps on their heads where Kousuke hammered them. Kousuke stuck a kunai into the ground.

"Alright, we meet back here at 8.00pm."

"Hai…"

-8.00pm-

The Akatsuki regrouped. Kousuke looked around. He sighed.

"Three damaged shops, seven damaged cars, numerous screaming people and a few dozen dead people. DO YOU HAVE TO DESTROY SUFF WHEREVER YOU GO?!"

The Akatsuki just shuffled their feet, looked around and murmured stuff. Suddenly, Deidara spoke up.

"Yeah, un™."

"THAT WAS A RHETORICAL QUESTION."

"Sorry, un™."

Kousuke facepalmed and sighed.

"Fine, whatever. Now we shall go to the night market. AND IF YOU CAUSE ANY HAVOC THERE YOU WON'T GET ANY BREAKFAST TOMORROW."

"H-H-Hai!"

-Night market-

The Akatsuki looked around in amazement. They had never seen such a place before.

"Look at them," said Izaku "They're transfixed."

"LOL"

"Alright!" yelled Kousuke "Split up and return here at 10pm!"

"Got it!"

-Itachi & Kisame-

Kisame was excitedly looking around him as he walked. Itachi as well, but less enthusiastically and childishly.

"LOOK! Itachi, look! Strawberries! I like strawberries! Let's buy some!"

":I like them too. Ok then."

They bought three boxes. Kisame emptied one into his mouth.

"Yum, sweet and sour! Hey, look! Itachi!"

"What is it?" Itachi licked his popsicle.

"It's you!"

"?"

Kisame grabbed something off the table. Itachi looked at it in slight interest.

"Hey, it is me. What is it?"

"I don't know. Some sort of lighter methinks."

Kisame futilely tried to start a fire. He failed. He handed it to the stall owner.

"How do you use this?"

"The lighter? Like this."

The stall owner flipped open Itachi's head In the head were lighter parts. The man clicked it and a jet of flame shot out. Itachi looked at it.

"I like it. I'll take it."

Itachi bought the lighter and they continued. Then, they came across a man roasting numerous chickens on a spit. Kisame walked over.

"I'll buy one."

"Ok."

Kisame paid and brought the chicken over to where Itachi was standing.

"Look Itachi! I bought a chicken!"

"Ah."

Itachi ripped off a leg and took a bite.

"Not bad."

Kisame swallowed the rest of the chicken whole. Itachi looked at him.

"How do you digest the bones?"

"Huh?"

"How do you digest the bones."

"Oh. I dunno."

Itachi sighed.

"The only people I know with a better digestive system than you is Zetsu, and Kousuke after. Although Kousuke is human and can't digest bones, he eats the most, and that's saying something.

Kousuke sneezed.

"Are you cold?" asked Tobi.

"No," replied Kousuke "Itachi is probably talking about me eating more than Kisame or Zetsu."

"How do you know that?" asked Zetsu.

Kousuke shrugged.

"Just a wild guess."

Zetsu, Tobi and Kousuke were buying food. They were eating burgers when Tobi pointed.

"Look, porn! Can we buy some porn!"

Kousuke sweatdropped.

"Tobi, pronounce it probably! It's CORN! How the hell did you even mispronounce that?!"

"Oh? Can be buy some korn then?"

"Whatever."

They bought a few ears of corn. Zetsu stopped at a stall.

"Hey, it says 'kebabs' when they're selling pita sandwiches."

"Well, they are called kebabs it some parts of the world."

"Ah. Let's buy some."

They bought a few each and ate as they walked. Tobi looked around.

"Hey, look! Kebabs!"

"More sandwiches?"

"No, kebabs!"

Kousuke looked.

"Oh, those are kebabs called 'satay'. Let's get a few dozen."

They walked on, often stopping to buy a random food, drink or keychain.

"Fried…Ice?"

"What is it Zetsu?"

"…The sign says 'Fried Ice'."

"Oh, it's just sherbet being folded around on a steel plate with paddles, hence the term 'Fried Ice'."

"Ah. Did you just say 'hence'?"

"Oh yeah. That was weird."

There was a moment of silence as a crow flew past.

"Let's buy three."

After paying, Tobi ran over.

"HEY! Look what I bought! Fried chicken, fries, burgers, hotdogs, slushies and fried sweet potatoes! YAY! :D"

Tobi handed Kousuke and Zetsu their portions.

"Thanks," said Kousuke "Oh look, fried mushrooms! I love those! Fried noodles and fried rice too!"

"I'll go get the chocolate dipped strawberries."

"Tobi wants more keychains and juice!"

They ran off in separate directions to get more stuff and regrouped later with even more stuff.

"Hmm. Anything else?"

Suddenly, Kousuke gasped and pointed at a stall named 'Zan's Pizza'. Zetsu and Tobi gasped.

"PIZZA!"

Sasori looked up.

"What was that? Sounded like a giant herd of scorpions."

"Sounded like Kousuke, Zetsu and Tobi rushing to buy pizza, un™."

"How do you know that?"

Deidara shrugged.

"Just a wild guess, un™."

He looked around. Sasori was examining a few puppets and marionettes when he Deidara scream. He whipped his hands around.

"Deidara?!"

"Sasori-danna, look! Un™. They have lots of coloured clay here! Un™!"

"…Ah."

"Now I can make pretty coloured clay statues and pretty coloured clay explosions! How much for each pot? Un™."

"450 Ryo each."

"I'll take red, blue, green, purple, yellow, pink, orange, back, brown, grey, white, beige, turquoise, crimson, viridian, cyan, peach, ochre, ultramarine, vermillion, magenta, aquamarine, scarlet, maroon, Vandyke brown, Prussian blue, fluorescent yellow and luminescent green, un™."

"That'll be…12600 Ryo."

Deidara paid the man and took the bags full of pots of clay. He walked over to Sasori, who had bought quite a number of puppets and marionettes.

"Look Sasori! I bought tons of coloured clay, un™! Now I can make lots of pretty coloured clay sculptures and blow them up! Un™."

Sasori phhhfted.

"Did you just phhhft? Un™."

"Yeah, so what? Why don't you just leave them as eternal sculptures."

"Because art is explosive! Un™!"

"No, art is eternal!"

"Explosive! Un™!"

"Eternal!"

"Explosive!"

"Eternal!"

"EXPLOSIVE!"

"ETERNAL!"

Sasori brought out a puppet and Deidara brought out a clay bird.

"I'll prove to you the power of ETERNAL ART!"

"It's no match for my EXPLOSIVE ART! UN™!"

Hidan looked up.

"What was that? Sounded like an angry rampaging god."

"It's probably Deidara and Sasori arguing and fighting over whose art is better again."

"How do you know?"

Kakuzu shrugged.

"Just a wild guess."

Hidan walked over to Kakuzu.

"What are you looking at?"

"Nothing. What did you buy?"

Hidan lifted his bags.

"Combs, hairbrushes, mirrors, pocket combs, pocket mirrors, hair gel, shampoo, more hair gel, and more hair gel. Do you want anything?"

"Well…"

Kakuzu pointed to a jar. Hidan looked at it. It was a large jar of red slime. It had an eyeball, a stomach and another random organ floating in it.

"I think it would be perfect to store one of my hearts."

"If you neigh so…"

"But, I have to say goodbye to my friends…"

"What? Oh your money…"

Kakuzu turned to see the stall owner.

"How much is this jar?"

"1000 Ryo."

"…500 Ryo."

"Come on, that price is too low. What about 800 Ryo?

"600 Ryo"

"700 Ryo is the lowest I can go."

"…fine then."

Money exchanged hands. Kakuzu received the jar of red slime and opened it. Then, he reached into himself and pulled out one of his hearts. He dropped the heart into the jar.

"There. Now, let's-huh?!"

Suddenly, the red slime crawled out of the jar. It dropped on the ground and grew to 25 times its size. People screamed and ran away. The red slime roared and started eating people. Hidan and Kakuzu watched in silence.

"Um…Kakuzu…which heart was that?"

"Um…the water-style…heart?"

The giant red slime smashed a stall and ate a few more people. Hidan and Kakuzu watched silently for a few more seconds. Then, Hidan sighed.

"Well, we better go stop it. We won't get any breakfast tomorrow if Kousuke finds out about this."

"OMG you're right."

They ran after the slime.

Konan looked up.

"What was that? Sounded like a fire-breathing origami dragon."

"It's probably Hidan and Kakuzu trying to defeat a red slime after Kakuzu put a heart in it and it grew to 25 times its size."

"How do you know?"

Pein shrugged.

"Just a wild guess."

Konan was hugging Pein's arm as they walked.

"Pein! Buy me that keychain!"

"We already have 6."

"Pleeeease!"

"…Ok."

Pein bought the keychain. They continued walking, with Konan frequently persuading Pein to buy something random for her. Meanwhile, let's check in with Orochimaru.

Orochimaru looked around. He was on the outskirts of the market. There was less light and it was more quiet due to a lack of people.

"Hmm?"

He approached a stall. It seemed to sell toy snakes. Very realistic toy snakes. Orochimaru picked one up. It felt like a real snake. Suddenly, a bald man stepped out from the darkness behind the stall. He had a gold tooth, an eyepatch, a silver earring and a jade bracelet.

"How may I help you sir?"

"Are these real snakes?"

"Aaaah, you have good taste sir. These were once live snakes. I killed them, then I stuffed them. See this one? Done just yesterday."

The man held up a stuffed snake, or so it seemed. Suddenly, the snake hissed and bit him. The man screamed in pain and fell to the ground. The snake slithered away. Orochimaru went behind the stall and looked at the man. The man was writhing in pain and clutching his wrist.

"Interesting. Snake venom is certainly very potent. I should know."

"Help-me!"

The man started foaming at the mouth. Orochimaru sighed.

"Ok then."

Orochimaru pulled out a small vial and forced the liquid into the man's mouth. The man twitched, then stopped moving. A few minutes later, he stood up.

"My god, I almost died! Here, have some snakes!"

The stall owner gave Orochimaru seven stuffed snakes for free.

"Arigatou gozaimasu…"

Orochimaru walked away.

-Akatsuki Bus, 10.00pm-

Everyone had regrouped back at the Akatsuki bus, arms laden with merchandise. Itachi had bought a series of random items including pens, bubble guns, the Itachi lighter, strawberries, and a kitchen knife. Kisame had bought a myriad of marine-based items, such as shack plushies, fish-shaped Post-Its, sparkly dolphin pens and jellyfish nightlights. Deidara had numerous pots of coloured clay while Sasori had bought a number of puppets and marionettes. They both looked distinctly disheveled, looking like they had recently been in a fight. Izaku had bought a number of games and Yamato bought a few BB weapons. Hidan had bags which mostly contained hair gel while Kakuzu had his jar of red slime. They were both sweaty, panting and slightly covered in red slime. Pein was carrying various items that Konan had persuaded him to buy for her as well as some of his own (but mostly hers). Konan was clinging onto Pein's arm. Orochimaru had his seven stuffed snakes. Kousuke, Tobi and Zetsu bought the most stuff, mainly food. Each of them had bags of food hanging from their arms and each had three pizzas. To top it off, everyone had bought at least a dozen keychains.

"Hey, pizza! Give me some!" Yamato opened the pizza box on top of the other two Kousuke was carrying and took a slice.

"HEY!"

Sasori futilely struggled to reach his keys.

"Kakuzu, you're carrying the least stuff. Reach into my right pocket and get the keys."

"Ok."

Kakuzu put his hand into Sasori's pocket.

"…hey, MONEY!"

"Kakuzu, FOCUS!"

"Right, right, sorry…found them."

Kakuzu unlocked the bus and they all carefully climbed in. After putting their stuff down, Sasori started driving. Immediately, Kousuke stood up and hollered-

"WHO WANTS PIZZA?!"

Everyone cheered and took slices from the boxes Kousuke, Zetsu and Tobi handed around. Sasori drove with a slice in his hand, therefore causing numerous accidents.

-Apartment 49a-

"-**tsuki no mukou made ichatte!**"

Kousuke put down the mike and took a deep breath. The others started clapping.

"Hidan! You're next!"

"Huh? Nah, I've already sung three times…cheers Kakuzu!"

Hidan cracked open another beer. Pein looked at him.

"Isn't drinking an insult to your religion?"

"It is{hic}but we're on holiday{hic}so it doesn't{hic}matter."

Hidan burped and looked at Itachi.

"Itachi{hic}let's play some{hic}strip poker and{hic}see who wins!"

"Isn't gambling a sin?"

"Like I{hic}said, we're on{hic}holiday so it{hic}doesn't matter. Or are you too{hic}chicken to play?"

"…You're on."

Tobi jumped up and down.  
"I know! I know! Tobi wants to sing 'Random Rock Anthem'! :D"

Kousuke tossed the mike to Tobi, who pressed a few buttons on the karaoke machine.

"Ok! 1,2,3,4!

**Random rock will make us blee tonight,**

**Everybody just wanna eat bricks,**

**We're gonna rip your kidneys out,**

**Everybody just want to drink tar;**

**We'll put live scorpions in your pants,**

**Everybody just wanna fuck pens,**

**They're all going to eat our brains,**

**Everybody just wanna - - - BLEE.**

**Everyday M' Randoming**"

About 10 minutes and many beers later, things went…random. Itachi and Hidan were in their underwear from playing strip poker while there was a crowd of rabid stalker fangirls in the apartment across the street armed with binoculars and telescopes. Kisame was playing Go Fish with 3 jars of Sea-Monkeys. Konan and Pein were making out and for some reason, so were Deidara and Sasori (yaoi-meter going off the scale there). A wasted Kakuzu was throwing money in the air while repeatedly saying "MONEY!' and 'BLEE!' Tobi just kept singing Random Rock Anthem over and over again while Zetsu and Orochimaru were shuffling to him. Kousuke, Izaku and Yamato were playing the PS2 so hard that it overheated so Kousuke put it in the fridge to cool it and they played it again. Finally by 3.00am, all of them were passed out in various parts of apartment 49a. Tomorrow, they would finally go home. (Finally)


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11: Akatsuki at Cameron Highlands! (Part 4)**

Fuck.

Disclaimer: I DON'T OWN THE FREAKIN' AKATSUKI!

* * *

-Next morning, Apartment 49a (8.00am)-

"…Ugh…"

Kousuke opened his eyes. Today was the day the Akatsuki would leave Cameron Highlands. He looked around. Everyone was still sleeping.

"Hey, where's Pein and Konan?"

Suddenly, he heard muffled sounds coming from the room which Izaku and Yamato slept in yesterday. He placed his ears up to the door.

"Ah, no, wait, not there, ah! You said I could{ah}be on top{ah}today!"

"Technically, you said 'tonight'. However, we did not do anything 'tonight' which was 'yesterday night'."

"You{ah}CHEAT! Aaaah!"

A moment of silence. Finally, Konan spoke up.

"I'm going to the bathroom."

"Oh, ok."

Kousuke heard someone climb off the bed. He oh-crapped.

"_Oh, crap!_**"**

Kousuke dashed to the bathroom to get his mug and toothbrush. He squeezed toothpaste on his toothbrush and filled his mug with water in record time. He was carrying his mug and toothbrush to the balcony when Konan left the room.

"Oh, ohayou, Kousuke."

"Ohayou…"

Kousuke looked away from Konan and walked to the balcony.

"?"

A moment later, Konan joined Kousuke on the balcony and they brushed their teeth in silence. Then they spat. Kousuke was able to hit a guy with his toothpaste foam.

"ACK!"

It so happened that this guy was allergic to toothpaste foam and he died. A moment of silence passed. Then, quite suddenly, they both started laughing.

"Did you see that?!"

"Yes!"

They were still laughing when they reentered the living room.

"Urgh…what's all the noise…"

Hidan had woken up. He picked up the pizza box that was on his head. They had eaten everything they had bought as well as three quarters of their remaining supplies. Kousuke walked over to him.

"Get up. Go back to your room and clean up. We're leaving today."

"Ugh…hangover…where are my clothes?"

"They're over there. You played strip poker with Itachi, remember."

"Yeah."

Hidan and Konan left.

"Blee! :D"

"?"

Kousuke looked around for the source of the blee.

"Blee! :D"

Kousuke looked up. Tobi was ducted taped to the ceiling.

"Morning Kousuke!"

"How the fuck did you get up there."

"Yeah…I can't remember, un™."

Suddenly, Deidara (who was sleeping on the floor under Sasori) woke up.

"Pay copyright, un™!"

Tobi threw 10000 Ryo at Deidara. Kousuke ripped the tape off. Tobi fell to the ground on top of Zetsu. At the same time, Sasori woke up.

"Tobi! Get off me!"

"Sorry!"

Tobi and Zetsu left the room. Sasori and Deidara went to the bathroom. Kousuke kicked Kakuzu.

"Hey, get up."

"WTF."

Kakuzu got up.

"That hurt you know."

"Yeah right. Where's Orochimaru?"

"Good question."

Kakuzu lifted the sofa. Orochimaru was sleeping under it.

"Hey, snake-for-brains, get up!"

"Hmm? Is it morning already?"

Pein opened his room door.

"Morning everyone. Where's Konan?"

"Next room."

"Ok."

Pein, Kakuzu and Orochimaru left.

"Breakfast is at nine!"

Sasori and Deidara left the bathroom.

"Hey," said Kousuke "Go see if the others are awake, they're in your room."

"Sure."

Kousuke prepared the stove for another giant breakfast.

"AAAAAHHHHH!"

"What the-"

Kousuke entered the living room in time to see a torrent of fish spill out of Itachi's room. Sasori, Deidara, Itachi, Kisame, Izaku and Yamato flowed out with the fish. Kousuke was, well, a little bit more than just furious.

"WHO-"

"Kisame did it!" exclaimed Yamato "He turned the room into an aquarium!"

""I-I-I like living in a watery environment!" blubbered Kisame.

Kousuke turned to Itachi.

"What did he do?"

"He filled the room with half a foot of water and put fish in it. It seemed fun at first but he just HAD to overdo it."

"I-I just summoned some extra fish this morning!"

"You summoned 2000!" yelled Izaku while getting fish out of his pants.

Kousuke sighed.

"Sasori, Deidara, help me in the kitchen. You four, clean out the apartment and make sure that there isn't a single trace of fish or you won't get any breakfast! The apartment has to be dry, undamaged, and NOT smell of fish. Use all the air freshener spray that Itachi bought last night."

"Hai…"

Kousuke returned to the kitchen, just in time to stop Deidara from blowing up the stove.

"DEIDARA! WHAT. ARE. YOU. DOING?!"

"I'm going to blow up the stove, un™."

Kousuke facepalmed..

"You. Go. Clean. Fish."

"But-"

"GO!"

"Yes…un™."

Deidara walked off. Kousuke started the stove while Sasori beat the eggs.

"Well, guess it's just you and me now."

"Yup."

Meanwhile, at Apartment 49-b…

-Apartment 49-b-

Hidan looked at all the trash in the room.

"Fuck, how am I supposed to clean all this?"

Kakuzu was sitting on the floor, building a money castle.

"Just throw it all off the balcony."

"Good idea, un™."

Suddenly, Deidara smashed his head through the wall.

"Pay copyright, bastard! Un™!"

Hidan threw 10000 Ryo at Deidara.

"Un™."

Deidara's head left, leaving a sizable hole in the wall.

"Great," said Hidan while throwing rubbish. "How am I supposed to fill that hole?"

Kakuzu was now folding money paper cranes.

"Get Konan's help."

"Good idea. Konan!"

"Yeah?"

"I need some help here!"

Konan left her room, her head wrapped in a towel.

"Fill this hole with paper."

"What happened?" asked Konan as she repaired the wall.

"Deidara stuck his head through the wall after I said…'His Word'."

"Oh, you mean U-"

"Don't say it!" yelled Hidan. He looked around. "If you do, Deidara will randomly appear out of nowhere and demand copyright fees!"

"Oh, ok."

Hidan threw another handful of trash off the balcony.

"I'll never get rid of all this in time. I got it! TOBI!"

Tobi ran out of his room.

"Yeah?"

"Throw all of the trash in this room off the balcony!"

"Hai, un™!"

"NO DON'T SAY IT!"

Suddenly, as Tobi was throwing rubbish off the balcony at Mach 3, Deidara fell through the ceiling with a crash, leaving a Deidara-shaped hole in the ceiling.

"Pay copyright, retard! Un™."

Tobi threw 10000 Ryo at Deidara. Deidara left the room. Hidan sighed.

"Konan?"

"On it."

Suddenly, someone knocked on the door. Hidan opened the door. An angry man stood in the corridor.

"Are you the one in charge here?"

"I guess so."

"Ok. Look, you can't just throw rubbish and fish off the balcony! It's rude and unhygienic, not to mention…"

As the man rambled on, Hidan grew madder and more stressed out. Finally, he snapped.

"THAT'S IT. THIS IS FOR YOU, JASHIN-SAMA!"

"Hey-what-AAAHHH!"

Hidan pulled out his scythe and started a Jashin ritual in the corridor.

"JASHIN-SAMA!"

-Apartment 49a-

Itachi and Deidara were throwing fish off the balcony, Izaku and Kisame were cleaning and drying the room while Yamato was spraying copious amounts of air freshener on everything.

"This sucks, un™."

"Yeah."

"Wait, I have an idea, un™!"

"What?"

"Wait here, un™."

Deidara left and returned with Tobi. Itachi smiled.

"Deidara…for an idiot…you are a genius."

'Thanks, un™."

"Deidara-senpai, what it is?"

"Tobi, if you throw all these fishes off the balcony, I'll give you a cookie."

"YAY! COOKIE! BLEE! :D"

Tobi started throwing fish off the balcony at Mach 5.

"That was simple," said Itachi "Now let's get out before-"

"I CAN SEE YOU TWO!" yelled Izaku "Get your butts in here and start cleaning!"

"…fuck."

"Dibs on the air freshener, un™!"

"HEY!"

-Apartment 49a, 9.00am-

Everyone was seated for breakfast. Kousuke angermarked.

"Hidan…why are you dripping in blood?"

"I held a Jashin ritual in the corridor.

"Hidan…Now, go take a bath, change your clothes and clean off all the blood from the floor."

"But…"

"Go."

"But…"

"NOW."

"…fuck me."

Hidan dashed out. Kousuke sighed.

"Well that's over. Now, itadakimasu."

They started eating. 7 minutes later, Hidan returned, completely clean.

"7 minutes?!" exclaimed Kousuke. "Kisame, check for blood."

Kisame sniffed the air.

"Not a single drop."

Kousuke turned to Hidan, who was now drinking blood tea.

"How did you clean up all that blood in 7 minutes?!"

"I had the help of JASHIN-SAMA."

"Whatever."

"THANK YOU JASHIN-SAMA!"

Breakfast proceeded in a very un-random way. Breakfast ended. Kousuke looked at his watch.

"Well, it's time to pack up! Go and pack your stuff. Make sure you pack everything. We will not turn back for anything you forget!"

Hidan, Kakuzu, Tobi, Zetsu, Orochimaru, Konan and Pein returned to their apartment. Sasori opened the door.

"I'll go start the bus."

"No," said Kousuke "You pack your stuff first, then take them down with you as you go to the bus."

"Damn."

"KISAME!"

"What Itachi?"

"Why are there a dozen oysters in my bag?!"

"Oh…um…blee! :D"

Deidara walked over and ate one of them.

"Yum, tasty, un™."

After packing his things, Kousuke went to the kitchen.

"Looks like we have enough snacks and drinks to last us the trip back."

Kousuke started packing the food. But when he opened the fridge, half a dozen birds flew out.

"…WTF."

-Apartment 49b-

Zetsu looked in his bag.

"Has anyone see my snacks?"

"What snacks?" asked Pein.

"The live birds I caught earlier."

"You consider live birds as snacks?"

"Yes."

"Oh. In that case, no."

They watched as Tobi ran past and threw himself off the balcony.

"Blee! :D"

"…"

"…"

-Apartment 49a-

Kousuke straightened up.

"There, all done.

"Kousuke had just randomly threw all the food into two boxes. The drinks were kept in an icebox. Sasori was already waiting in the bus.

"Oh, there they are. Itachi, Kisame!"

'What?"

"Help me carry there boxes down to the bus.""

"Ok," answered Kisame.

"…do I have to?" questioned Itachi.

"Yes."

"…fine."

They were walking down the stairs when they suddenly stopped.

"What Kisame?" snapped Itachi.

"There's a table in my way."

"What. Why."

Kousuke shrugged.

"I guess the author ran out of ideas."

-Somewhere else-

The author headdesked.

"I'm running out of ideas…"

-Back-

Itachi looked irritated. He was.

"Are you sure it's a table and not something your retarded fish brain cooked up?"

Kisame tilted his head.

"You're right…it looks more like a fridgable."

Itachi faceboxed.

"That's it, I've had it, AMATERASU."

The fridgable was set alight by black fire and took 209 damage. It screamed in agony as it died.

"AAAAHHHHH! OH GOD, WHY?! WHY! WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS! OH, THE PAIN! THE PAIN!"

"Because fuck you, that's why."

Finally, the fridgable was turned to ash. At that moment, Pein randomly appeared.

"Did someone call me?"

"Nope."

"K."

He disappeared.

"…let's go, Kisame."

"Aye."

-Somewhere nearby-

Hidan and Kakuzu were walking around when they reached a large tree. They saw a bees' nest in the tree.

"I hate bees," said Hidan.

"Why?"

"Since when do people need a reason to hate something?"

"Good call. That explains why I hate you so much."

"Whaaat? Say that again you-aaaah, fuck it, whatever."

And for some reason, Hidan decided to vent his anger by kicking the tree. And as expected, after a few kicks, the bees' nest fell and stuck on Hidan's head.

"Ah," said Hidan.

"Ah," said Kakuzu.

"AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" screamed Hidan.

Kakuzu watched in mild amusement as Hidan ran around screaming and trying to get the nest off his head.

"AAAHHH! THE BEES! THE BEES! JASHIN SAVE ME!"

Sensing an opportunity to make money, Kakuzu pulled out his video camera and recording mic.

"I might be able to make some money out of this."

-Later, the Akatsuki Bus-

Finally, after much chaos and randomness, everyone was in the bus and all the luggage was loaded. Hidan had quite a few lumps on his face from his mishap. He was vigorously applying bee cream to his face while moaning.

"The bees…the bees…"

Meanwhile, Kousuke stood at the front of the bus.

"Well, looks like all of us are safe and sound."

"Hey, what about me?!" exclaimed Hidan.

"You're a zombie, you don't count."

"Goddammit."

"Well then, it's time to head back! To wherever-the-hell-the-Akatsuki-base-is located!"

"YAY!"

And thus, Sasori drove off, and the Akatsuki happily went back to their base. The end.

Yeah right, like as though I would just end it like that. Time to fuck things up.

-Halfway down the mountain-

By this point, most of the Akatsuki were quite tired, seeing as they caused chaos for three days straight. But they wouldn't let a small thing like that stop them from making them cause more chaos, wouldn't they?

"Hmm…un™?"

Deidara was taking a nap and had just woken up. And the second he opened his eyes, he was face to face with an enormous snake. After a few seconds of staring, he let out the girliest scream you could ever imagine.

"KYAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

"Wh-What?!" yelled Kisame, falling out of his chair. "What happened, Deidara?!""

"There's a snake! Un™!"

"So what? It's just- OH GOD WHAT IS THAT IN MY PANTS."

And the whole bus started rocking from the Akatsuki members trying to frantically escape the snakes.

"MY JASHIN WHAT THE HELL?!"  
"Snakes are friends, snakes are friends, I love Sasuke, Sasuke loves snakes, so I love snakes…help…"

"Noooo! Tobi is a good boy! Don't eat Tobi! Tobi tastes very bad! NOOOO! TOBI'S BUTTHOLE IS A VERY BAD PLACE!"

"Pein! Save me!

"Wh-What? Sna-grflbldmfgl" as a snake tried to enter Pein's mouth.

"GODDAMMIT SHIRLEY I CAN DRIVE ON MY OWN GET OFF THE-NO DON'T PRESS THAT!"

One of the snakes accidentally pressed a button, which so happened to activate all seventeen of the Akatsuki Bus' rocket engines.

"…shit."

And in one massive burst of purple and red fire which decimated the cars directly behind it, the bus gracefully propelled itself over the guardrail and into the air, as gracefully as a bus could. What an amazing sight it was, spectacular enough to become the Eleventh Wonder of the World. However, good times do not last forever and soon enough, the rocket engines ran out of fuel. Just as gracefully as it took flight, the bus plummeted like a dead sheep.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Fortunately for the Akatsuki, the bus landed upright on a portion of the road at a lower part of the mountain. The bus took no damage, for the Akatsuki had learnt their lesson when the previous bus exploded and decided to build an indestructible one. Inside the bus however, everyone inside it had passed out. All except one. Sitting calmly in his seat, Orochimaru smiled.

"Snakes on a Bus, coming to theatres near you."


End file.
